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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Hsiaoen
Rachel
Cheryl
Huishan
Huisan
Moon
JianAn
JingYi
Yinghui
Jasmine
MEI NU
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Evander
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MaoQiang
Elin
Jade
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Monday, March 28
):
Very sick and tired now. All I wanna do is sleep...
I realized the past few weeks I've been trying to run myself like a machine. Always thinking about productivity, work, work and more work. Now I think my body is protesting. As much as I still tried to run like a machine, I can't concentrate on anything! I can't think straight, I got no energy to reply texts, I can't bring myself to crawl out of bed, I can't bring myself to do work ):
Honestly every 5 secs I have to cough. And because of that it's so hard to eat and sleep.
Ugh. Sniff cough.
Staying over in school tonight. Awesome. Hope I make it back in one piece.
I really gotta start learning to take care of myself. Haha, no boyfriend what to do?
First priority now is to recover. Then chiong exams!
I realized the past few weeks I've been trying to run myself like a machine. Always thinking about productivity, work, work and more work. Now I think my body is protesting. As much as I still tried to run like a machine, I can't concentrate on anything! I can't think straight, I got no energy to reply texts, I can't bring myself to crawl out of bed, I can't bring myself to do work ):
Honestly every 5 secs I have to cough. And because of that it's so hard to eat and sleep.
Ugh. Sniff cough.
Staying over in school tonight. Awesome. Hope I make it back in one piece.
I really gotta start learning to take care of myself. Haha, no boyfriend what to do?
First priority now is to recover. Then chiong exams!
Monday, March 21
Thoughts into words
A lot of things swimming in my head now...
MIA girl has been found.
Stuff.
Stuff.
Stuff.
Honestly my mind is quite preoccupied now. But no time to worry! Fight hard for NM. I don't plan on giving up yet, its 35% that I still have control over!
I can't wait for Wednesday to come around and the Friday. And then Beach fiesta and hopefully by then I would have settled things! (Amiably of course)
Friday, March 18
Haven't been like that for the longest time
Today, I am so proud of myself.
Haha, not being narcissistic, honestly. Haven't felt good about myself in the longest time cause I always allow myself to screw up some how.
Started the day with finale visit to BVH. This visit really filled me with so much joy. (Ok, let me reflect awhile, just now in a hurry to get to school, didn't have time to be emo) While it seriously wasn't easy and I can't say I enjoyed myself all the way. I think I really learnt how to handle myself and my emotions a lot better. I don't regret joining SLP one bit. When the reality that the SLP has ended sunk in, first was relief, just glad that we managed to come through. Second, was this overwhelmingly touched feeling, I looked around at all the OC members and just felt so touched that we did this together. Lastly, was just plain sadness. I feel like we could have done more, or I could have done more, and I realised I will miss these visits and it's the last official one already.
NM meeting was horrendous, only 2 out of 5 of us made it. But in retrospect, I'm surprised I didn't throw any tantrums and got work settled. Although it was in a very flustered manner, but yeah, knowing me for me, its really an achievement that I didn't cry or whine.
SSA presentation went so well beyond my imagination (Ok la, I prepare for the worst, so yeah) Lugging the projector and running halfway around school is seriously insanity. My shoulder felt like it was coming off. But when my tutor came up, pointed at the projector and said "Thanks so much for doing this", I just (: Haha, and all through the presentation I was so nervous, thankfully my groupmate just telling me to relax. During my part I kept stealing glances at my tutor hoping that I didn't present anything wrong. Haha. When it was over, it felt quite good. No major screw ups, and my group mates so cutie one! In school uniforms looking like delinquents. Hahaha.
ENS meeting was a mess. But I was already so sick by then, I'm just proud that I attended meeting and tried to contribute.
Now I'm back home, had an apple, hoping I don't have to see the doctor tmr... Hee.
Shall decide on what to do with my VN proposal, to submit or not... Hmm.
Thursday, March 17
Today, Kia woon remarked "I really don't know how you manage to cope"
Well, I am not coping well, I just get by.
And nobody sees how hard I cry.
I still have many things to learn. What I can do or manage is not what I should be expecting of others. But, I really don't see why your inability to manage your time has to become my problem. All these people who are making my life difficult now, thank you, this will go into character building.
CAP, you are taking one for the team this sem, I will make it up next sem.
I'm quite done with the massive and frequent break downs this sem, so I think I'm washing my hands off comm stuff after all my projects on hand ends. Then I'll go back to Bishan home and wherever is still willing to take me back.
C'mon, it can't rain forever.
(:
Well, I am not coping well, I just get by.
And nobody sees how hard I cry.
I still have many things to learn. What I can do or manage is not what I should be expecting of others. But, I really don't see why your inability to manage your time has to become my problem. All these people who are making my life difficult now, thank you, this will go into character building.
CAP, you are taking one for the team this sem, I will make it up next sem.
I'm quite done with the massive and frequent break downs this sem, so I think I'm washing my hands off comm stuff after all my projects on hand ends. Then I'll go back to Bishan home and wherever is still willing to take me back.
C'mon, it can't rain forever.
(:
Tuesday, March 15
The highest of up of which I have just given
This is bloody impossible. The maximum up that is possible to be given, I give.
Sunday, March 13
Weekly routine
I realise I have this thing, a weekly up and down routine.
Monday: All time low
Tuesday: Going slightly up but still depressed
Wednesday: ALL WEEK HIGH AS THE DAY PROGRESSES, I M HAPPY ON WED
Thurs: Good day but as the day progresses, I get more upset
Friday: Depression starts to inch in
Saturday: Depressed
Sunday: Horribly depressed
Monday,all time low.
Tadah.
Anyway, this week's glee was tear jerking! And Chris Colfer was awesome as usual. But quite inspiring.
Open house today was mad tiring but pretty fun nonetheless.
Just felt an obligation to update. But so mundane. So boring.
On Friday I realised how actually I'm having a pretty tough time holding everything together. And if I want to keep some things going right still, I have to let go. Now, I really am decided on what to let go. I don't want this. I don't want it anymore. But whatever I said holds, I'm true to my word, anytime you need anything from me, I'll be there. But only so much for me to repay what you all have done for me. I don't want to receive any more help or favours. There really isn't any reason to.
Probably is very selfish.
Everybody is replaceable, nobody is indispensable right?
What more, me, I've never been a very good friend, this I admit, all I kept asking was what have you done for me, but what have I done for you all also? Nothing. Well,I'm very sorry.
Monday: All time low
Tuesday: Going slightly up but still depressed
Wednesday: ALL WEEK HIGH AS THE DAY PROGRESSES, I M HAPPY ON WED
Thurs: Good day but as the day progresses, I get more upset
Friday: Depression starts to inch in
Saturday: Depressed
Sunday: Horribly depressed
Monday,all time low.
Tadah.
Anyway, this week's glee was tear jerking! And Chris Colfer was awesome as usual. But quite inspiring.
Open house today was mad tiring but pretty fun nonetheless.
Just felt an obligation to update. But so mundane. So boring.
On Friday I realised how actually I'm having a pretty tough time holding everything together. And if I want to keep some things going right still, I have to let go. Now, I really am decided on what to let go. I don't want this. I don't want it anymore. But whatever I said holds, I'm true to my word, anytime you need anything from me, I'll be there. But only so much for me to repay what you all have done for me. I don't want to receive any more help or favours. There really isn't any reason to.
Probably is very selfish.
Everybody is replaceable, nobody is indispensable right?
What more, me, I've never been a very good friend, this I admit, all I kept asking was what have you done for me, but what have I done for you all also? Nothing. Well,I'm very sorry.
Tuesday, March 8
I am really really really so tired I just want to figure out what's wrong and cry it out
Saturday, March 5
No turning back
Aish, thats right.
But as do all things, they are either strong enough to work themselves out or they were not worth keeping.
There really isn't a reason to be worried or upset.
And I'll keep telling myself that.
But as do all things, they are either strong enough to work themselves out or they were not worth keeping.
There really isn't a reason to be worried or upset.
And I'll keep telling myself that.
Thursday, March 3
Hahahaha great stress reliever for midterms.
Anyway midterms are over and I feel so happy! Although 2303 was a major disaster, imagine having all your notes with you but you still cannot solve the 22 mark question.
Met up to celebrate Jade and Janard's birthdays yesterday :D Awfully awesome stuffing dinner!
And I literally ran home for meeting, still 40minutes late. Haha, but i dont know why but I'm really enjoying this comm so much more than S.L.P. Maybe nature of job different or my perspective changed.
Heehee.
Anyhow got to go back to my summaries for NM ): I'd rather do my proposal over summaries! Comm stuff > school any day!