There's a reason why people don't stay who they are

Sunday, January 30

The next few months after cny is going to be quite crazy. I don't know what I've gotten myself into, I don't know what i'm walking into. But it is too late to walk away now. I'm gonna whine, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna need all the help and support I can get. I'm gonna say I don't need help. I'm really gonna need it. I'm gonna question why I'm doing it. I'm gonna need lots of reassurance. I'm gonna need reminders. I'm gonna need my friends.

Mostly, I'm gonna try my best.

Preparing myself now.

Saturday, January 29

How to save a life

I don't know what I got myself into, I don't know how I'm going to survive it. But as of now I have no regrets.

But that doesn't mean I am not sorry about the things I'm leaving behind.

Today is possibly my last Bishan home visit, I didn't tell anyone that it was.

Muay Thai effectively stopped, judging from the way things are now.

No tuition, no income.

And all those people who have been nothing but exceedingly nice to me but I've been a bitch to.

You know what, I don't deserve it. You don't have to take shit from me, I don't want you to either. Its probably better we weren't so close, that way I'd probably know how to act around you guys. You are losing one friend, I am losing 3. Any idea how much worse it is for me? This sucks, I've been feeling rotten for such a long while, I haven't really laughed in a long time, not so much smile. But asking me to give up now, is like asking me to admit that I really cannot do it.

So... There really wasn't any easy way to say it, but I guess this is goodbye.

Wednesday, January 26

Schism

Sometimes it gets so frustrating, you don't get that I just need someone to whine to, someone to share my burden. That's it.

I don't want to hear about how busy YOU are, how YOU think I should be doing things, how YOU think I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing.

DO YOU GET IT?

If this is a friendship of convenience for you, then all I can say is I'm not going to try to make concessions just be at your convenience.

And this is the Schism. You see it?

Monday, January 24

Get Up and Get Going

Haven't been seeing them enough lately.

But I guess I got to get used to it so I'm not really going to whine about it. This week is hell week, I hope I make it out alive. The plan is to take one day at a time and pray to God I don't die. To be absolutely honest, I'm scared and I'm pretty stressed up, not enough volunteers, deadlines etc. Don't even ask where I am with school. But everyone's busy, and those are my problems so I have to handle it myself. So no whining, no crying, no complaining. Deal.

Wish me luck

Sunday, January 23

"You dont try hard enough to appreciate yourself "

Yeah, maybe that's what's wrong, I've been trying to figure out what I'm not doing right in and change it that I forget about the things I'm doing right.

Thursday, January 20

Overzealous

Although I probably should have expected it, its still kinda stings.

And its my fault for choosing to major in something else?

And its my fault that my timetable is vastly different?

And its my fault for everything else?

I really tried, I don't go to school on thurs just because I want to study or because I'm just too free. The truth is, while I am willing to make the effort, its not reciprocal. And its always been like that.

I always value my friends more than they value me.

Now, I'm starting to wonder if its even worth it.

Well, if its so easy for you to say friendship over, then alright, by all means.

Sunday, January 9

Blogging for my favoritest people

Hmm. Guess school starting tmr kinda compels me to blog about some people.

Don't jump to conclusions, I don't only bitch.

It's been a great one sem. And an even better half a year. I don't regret choosing NUS. I don't regret choosing FASS. I don't regret going for oweek. And I don't regret the past one month.

Granny, sushi, tweesiang and boy who refuses to get twitter, you guys are probably the best thing that has happened to me in the past year. Like the friends I should have met years ago. And I wish we had. It's not like we see eye to eye all the time. Its not like we don't bore each other at times. But can't deny it. We had alot of fun. We clubbed together, celebrated Xmas, new year, midnight movies, supper, hanging out at granny's house drinking, staying over at the chalet, looking out for me after I puked, going places. What a hell of a month. And very soon, school is gonna start and we'll probably not be able to hang out like that anymore but we'll study together! Help each other out and have fun whenever we can! Stay tight yo! (ok not like they'll see this but just had to say it)

Love love,

Saturday, January 1

The Big 2

Pretty uneventful la. Just cosy steamboat and a silly marshmallow bbq. Hahaha but yeah I guess thats all I need. Considering I wasn't planning to celebrate it in the first place, I appreciate what everyone has tried to do for me.

It's just me, and that 17th birthday that nothing could match up to. Its quite pathetic. I am quite pathetic. Yeah, and I give up.

To be honest, I'm not really happy, not even remotely, but that's just me.

Happy New Year you guys, I love you all for being friends with such a pathetic that I am.