In 2007, you were straightforward, unlovable and painfully rude. Your year wouldn't have started out well. You were mostly likely caught up in what we call peer pressure? Doing things you will come to regret in due time. But I'm glad you still made it through. You made friends, made enemies, found a passion (which you will lose really soon), became complacent and proud, so unruly and obnoxious.

Let's see, 2007 was Olevel year, SYF year. In this year you will:

Fall out with Z, have a semi blog war with R, get stabbed in the back over and over by E, tear up J's letter, have a dispute with B, show disrespect to Mr R, make life difficult for Ms N, mock Miss K, get into trouble for taunting and bullying H, throw a hole puncher at C, ha, and some nonsense with some sec2 girl.

That's the bad part. But you will also:

Make friends to keep for life, C, J, Y, J, H, H, Y, PRG, M, such people that you will laugh together with, cry together with in the canteen, find out how much you loved to write, realise how you can never cross the line, understand that being sec4 doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, found some love for the class, discover this particular spot in school that you could comfortably call your own.

And that was the good part.

At 16, you'd think so much about pride. You'd think giving in meant being weak. And no, you had to protect yourself. But sooner, or not that soon, you will come to realise that was just growing room in your heart for others. I wished you knew that back then, but then I loved you for being you, ready to love and even readier to hate. Never letting yourself fall below or be stepped on. I admired how you stood by yourself and your friends. Though you will slowly realise not everyone would do the same for you and it was better to stick up with reason. I applaud the faith you have in people, how you believe that everyone, really deep down, were nice if you got to know them. And you would sadly, slowly lose that faith. That won't be the only faith you'd lose. You will start going away from God, because people start to disappoint you. Well, you will try, over and over again, but you will never get back and never fit back in.

At 16, you study, but not hard enough. You will regret this. You will regret many things. But you were mostly contented with what you had. Should have asked for more. Because later on you will realise how much more you can be when you are more determined. You thought you had found dreams and goals you will carry with you through the rest your life. But things change, and people will change. Nothing lasts forever, however foolishly you thought it would. I hated you for being so emotional. I hated you for being so silly. I hated you for being so hot headed. I hated you for being you.

At 16, you had firm beliefs and principles. And these will follow you up and treat you well. So hold on to them, don't let them go. You will grow up fine. One day, just one day, you will be a more sensible person. You will work for what you believe in. You will have bigger dreams. Life will treat you well, not excellent, but good enough. You will get what you want, most of the time, and you will remember to be thankful.

At 19, I am looking back and being envious of who I was at 16. And also being ashamed of I was. But right now I can quite safely say, I am a better person and I wouldn't choose to have it any other way, though it was painful and long for me to come to where I am now.

At 16, I had my whole life ahead of me.

At 19, I still have my whole life ahead of me.

But at 19, I will choose to do it better.

Love, from 2009.

NUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUS

8:28:00 PM ·