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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Sunday, November 29
Im fast reaching my breaking point.
Too tired.
Too tired to try to hold it back.
All day, I survive with my stomach half-full, starving myself with 2 meals a day, bumming and wasting time on the internet doing nothing and still not losing weight because I still havent gone jogging.
Can't take all this anymore.
My half fucked brain...
Too tired.
Too tired to try to hold it back.
All day, I survive with my stomach half-full, starving myself with 2 meals a day, bumming and wasting time on the internet doing nothing and still not losing weight because I still havent gone jogging.
Can't take all this anymore.
My half fucked brain...
Saturday, November 21
I Guess Its An Exam Thing
I realise I cry whenever there's an exam... (?)
Wait, do I?
At least for prelims and now. Just suddenly had this overwhelming sense of grief.
Was kinda reminded of how much my Dad didn't turn out as much as half of what I'd like him to be. Kinda said to myself, Yeah, I still want a Dad like that.
And I realised how I shouldn't be thinking that way. How some people would give up everything to have dinner with their fathers again and my Dad is at most a phone call away.
And I remember all the other things I have to make up for it.
For that, I shall try to go make peace with my mum.
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On a lighter note!
I think sometimes I am the luckiest person alive! Must have done something right somewhere in my life. Or maybe... I believe it is.
The other day, the other rainy day, the other day when it was pouring on Econs day.
I had my brolly, but the rain out there, not even a beach umbrella could save me from getting wet. As I was fretting over how to get myself from the bus stop to school in one safe, dry piece, there was this TJ girl at the bus stop beckoning me to get off. Then she told me her Dad was coming to drive her into school from the bus stop and she could give me a ride!
It was really a Thank God moment.
Firstly, I was praying for the rain to subside on the bus so that I could at least walk into school or for some other way to get there. I was planning to get a cab but in that rain, it sure wouldn't be easy.
I was also hoping I could meet some one familiar so I wouldn't be so lost and alone.
And well, you understand why its such a Thank God moment.
Haha, and I kinda realise I always meet people who offer to share there umbrellas with me...
Really lucky...
But still kinda sick now, throat and flu stuff, from sitting in the exam hall quite wet and shivering! Thank God, it would have been worse otherwise right!
Ok la, fine, if you were a non-believer, I may have irritated you. But since I got no other opportunity to share my testimonial... need to do it here.
Hahaha, just feel really happy and thankful that after all these, God still tells me that he is there for me. Hmm, I need to be a better christian.....
Wait, do I?
At least for prelims and now. Just suddenly had this overwhelming sense of grief.
Was kinda reminded of how much my Dad didn't turn out as much as half of what I'd like him to be. Kinda said to myself, Yeah, I still want a Dad like that.
And I realised how I shouldn't be thinking that way. How some people would give up everything to have dinner with their fathers again and my Dad is at most a phone call away.
And I remember all the other things I have to make up for it.
For that, I shall try to go make peace with my mum.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note!
I think sometimes I am the luckiest person alive! Must have done something right somewhere in my life. Or maybe... I believe it is.
The other day, the other rainy day, the other day when it was pouring on Econs day.
I had my brolly, but the rain out there, not even a beach umbrella could save me from getting wet. As I was fretting over how to get myself from the bus stop to school in one safe, dry piece, there was this TJ girl at the bus stop beckoning me to get off. Then she told me her Dad was coming to drive her into school from the bus stop and she could give me a ride!
It was really a Thank God moment.
Firstly, I was praying for the rain to subside on the bus so that I could at least walk into school or for some other way to get there. I was planning to get a cab but in that rain, it sure wouldn't be easy.
I was also hoping I could meet some one familiar so I wouldn't be so lost and alone.
And well, you understand why its such a Thank God moment.
Haha, and I kinda realise I always meet people who offer to share there umbrellas with me...
Really lucky...
But still kinda sick now, throat and flu stuff, from sitting in the exam hall quite wet and shivering! Thank God, it would have been worse otherwise right!
Ok la, fine, if you were a non-believer, I may have irritated you. But since I got no other opportunity to share my testimonial... need to do it here.
Hahaha, just feel really happy and thankful that after all these, God still tells me that he is there for me. Hmm, I need to be a better christian.....
Wednesday, November 18
And I Thought I Found It....
I tried my best for you.
Didn't dare to feel even one bit of confidence. Didn't dare to bet on anything.
Just as I decided, I want to continue with this, to further this, you dropped a bomb on me.
So much eagerness and hopefulness I had about what we could have in future.
Part of me died today when I flipped the paper over.
Part of me that died will never come alive again.
It was true when I said that I love you. It really was.
Why?
How could you do this to me?
You crushed me completely today.
Flat.
To econs, good bye.
P.S If you're wondering why I'm making such a big fuss out of this, is because I just decided yesterday that I wanted to do Econs in future, chose it over chem. And now, econs was horrible and chem didn't go as well as I would have liked it to.
Didn't dare to feel even one bit of confidence. Didn't dare to bet on anything.
Just as I decided, I want to continue with this, to further this, you dropped a bomb on me.
So much eagerness and hopefulness I had about what we could have in future.
Part of me died today when I flipped the paper over.
Part of me that died will never come alive again.
It was true when I said that I love you. It really was.
Why?
How could you do this to me?
You crushed me completely today.
Flat.
To econs, good bye.
P.S If you're wondering why I'm making such a big fuss out of this, is because I just decided yesterday that I wanted to do Econs in future, chose it over chem. And now, econs was horrible and chem didn't go as well as I would have liked it to.