There's a reason why people don't stay who they are

Friday, November 30

Four Years Of Love, Drama, Lies And Faith

Which loser spends her spiritual birthday working 12 Hours non-stop, flying all over Singapore, with no one to call for answers and ends up with a phonecall with an idiot shouting "YES OR NO" at you.?

Well, me. Biggest loser of the year man.

Why am I doing this to myself? For cash yeah, but there's a parasite living off me with "I only have 15cents!" I'm no better seriously. (Thank God she's in Thailand!) I don't even bloody have time for dear,dear class chalet. I missed crashing prom 'cause I clean forgot about it fretting over an ass who scammed me with fake number.

Sometimes, its hard to breathe.

Its not even possible to count and slowly list the things that are on my mind now. I wished I had more time. Time to catch up with all my sweeties. Time to visit my guitar lovies. Time to eat, shop, chitty chat with my my friends. Time to really kick off my shoes and rest.

(I've been bloody working non stop for more than a week now and its really miserable)

Aching calves, splitting soles and throbbing heartache. It's no point to question why things end up this way. I guess I've never been a good role model either. All my fault.

But still I like to count my blessings.

I've found some great friends (Huisan!)
I'm doing something I absolutely enjoy (cakes)
I found a God father who probably treats me beeter than my own father.
I've earned some money^^
I met YuQian, Hsiaoen, Fiona Teh and church co. today.

I really really owe huisan big time. Thanks alot.

Tuesday, November 27

Without the Irony, Sacrasm and Misery, It wouldn't Be Life As We Call It Anymore

“我最疼的就是你了吗！”

I have no idea how you do it, but you never fail to make me feel better, alot better.

Thanks la, Ah Pa.

(Does anyone actually read the titles?)

With my back against the chill of the night and the rest of the world, I've never felt more humane in a very long time. Now, all this is real right.

It true. Life doesn't kill. It'd rather leave you hanging on for it and see you lose your faith bit by bit. When you finally let go, it would have been your chioce not to hang on.

Friday, November 23

Heartfelt Thanks and Gratitude all Rolled into a Subway Melt

Yay.! I'm so happy that huisan and jianan came by to visit me.
And even more so that she bought me a Subway Melt for dinner.!

Wednesday, November 21

Every Now and Then, I feel This Ache Creeping In All Over My Heart

Whenever I feel the urge to blog, write an essay its great in a way that I produce something.
Whenever I feel the urge to blog, write an essay its bad because I'm definitely not in a good mood.

The road ahead seems dark and uncertain. I don't just mean the month ahead. It dawned on me that I have absolutely no idea what to do in the future, near or distant. I'm already starting to miss everyone. Even graduation failed to evoke such strong emotions in me. Sentimental, no doubt. Or maybe I'm just afraid. So afraid to leave the environment I was so familiar. So afraid to leave the people I've grown bonded to. So afraid to edge on ahead and leave all the memories behind. Don't burst my comfort bubble, I might suffocate without the smothering I was so used to.

Life is always that, somewhat miserable around the edges.

Will I be happy.? Maybe, maybe not. That's always up to me to figure out isn't it? Why am I sacrificing my fun, my time to work my ass off and end up with nothing (but cold, hard, unfeeling cash)? I'd never understand myself. They said, "You can never have your cake and eat it." We all tend to be selfish. Yeah, especially me. It's always difficult to take the first step at a crossroad. And even more so to spread your wings and take flight into the vast open air. I really really despise changes. Hello Junoir College, I might not survive in you.
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(Backspace Backspace) Gave up on my story. Shall continue when I emo again.

Tuesday, November 20

The wind blew gently on her face as of her finger moving lightly across the pages of the book lying on her lap. The chill of the wind stole her attention. Peering out the window, she found that the sky was painted a miserable grey. The grey a harbinger of death and destruction, telling of its hapless history. She closed her eyes slowly, allowing the breath of the sky to slowly engulf her. The hush of the wind picked up speed. Quickly and silently, it began whispering in her ears. Hurry Hurry Hurry...

Her eyelids flew open as the windows slammed shut, locking her racing heart and raspy breath in the suffocating room. Everything was about to change.

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Suddenly found the urge for writing again. Hope it doesn't get abandoned like The Man In The Family. I'm recently entwined in Night Watch by Terry Pratchett. It's amazing how anyone could write like that. If you're looking for a good read to polish off the free time you have at hand due to the holidays and the absence of activities, do read this, followed by thud! also by Terry Pratchett. But, nothing beats Kite Runner. Nothing. Ha, ok I'm pretty biased.

Currently looking for generous Mitch Albom fans to lend me five people you meet in heaven.

Huisan is coming back today. Huisan is coming back today. Huisan is coming back today! Faster faster ! And now the Shaun incident is getting out of hand, there's no one to laugh at muttons with me, I'm getting the blame and have not been going to the gym! Clare, you're presence is very much appreciated. Uncle! Drive faster lah! Clare!

[edit]

That expression is absolutely priceless!

My two most Fav. Teachers !

Having a go at acting cute.

Bodybuilder boyfriend form teacher.

She is the best there is. Really.

Finally, after more than a year : 10cm!

[edit]

Sunday, November 18

Found this in my folder by chance:

Friday. Left school with my hair in a mess, sweaty all over, legs screaming in agony, throat itching away. But I was happy. Graduation may have been a total failure, that last walk out of school really brings back many memories, long tucked away at the back of my head (like the time I squashed a snail while walking out at night). Four years is such a long time that you can hardly bring yourself to really hate anyone anymore. Give and take, give and take. Remember how you used to be such close friends with that particular someone? Now you barely share a smile along corridors. I remember how I vowed to never believe you and yet again and again over and over, you kept coming back to win my sympathy. Again and again, I trusted you. Over and over, you just went to stab me in the back.

We hide memories of the past like polished sliverware that we didn't want to tarnish. And they never fail to come back, sharp and sparkling, to stab you over and over again. (Boy, I make my secondary school years sound miserable) Above all those, are candy sweet memories that melts in our mouths, sending jolts of happiness down our spine. Eventually, they do all melt and disappear. The way smiles in pictures fade overtime. At least there's something to remember everyone by, regardless of the bittersweet taste it taints your mind with.

Please leave me with scars, scars that never heal. Some people like to relate people who impact them as footprints on the beach, deep and memorable. I find it hard to concur. Footprints are washed out over time. But. Time can never really take a scar from you. They will aways remind you that you grew from a, although less than laudable, past. They used to tell me, the only thing constant is change. We'll welcome it nonetheless. But a little reminisce never kills.

You know the feeling you get when your favourite drama draws to an end. It kinda feels like that. The ending will reverberate in your mind for a while but the rest of the show may have been a big blur already.

At the end of the day, when we all return to our rudimentary form of dirt and dust, still remember this will you?

Thursday, November 15

Sneak Preview!

Scroll for updates on graduation ceremony!

Below Below!

Introducing Class Couples! :

And Class Bullies (again?)

Ok, I'm damn looking forward to tomorrow.

[Edit]

And yesterday's tomorrow came by and went (time:12:44), it was a major flop. I couldn't agree more with Clare 'cos my blood was on the verge of boiling. That aside, I haven't really graduated. There was absolutely no crying. The awards given out were disappointing, the choo choo train was far too short, too little. You call this a celebration? (Sorry, I'm into complaining these days)

But there are always things to balance them out.

I bought a green folder and matching green pen for work!

I'm getting my hair highlighted tomorrow.

Caught up with dear classmates and shit!

Lost my shoe bag >:/

Had some laugh over Shaun and Clare.

Got My Jay Chou Album!

Took photos with practically all our teachers !

-Grins widely-

Currently, PAE is really bugging me. Where the hell am I going?

[edited]

Monday, November 12

It's the End of the Road and the Mouth of a Junction.

[edit]

Behold the wonders of kopping photos!:

Was working the past few days with Huisan and her new found identity; Clare. (Clare pretty leh) I realised I forgot alot of things already but still got sale lehhhhhhhhhhh. Don't worry ~~huisan~~ Clare, you will get yours very soon!

Graduation tmr! Needless to say, I definitetly feel proud that I managed to survive 4 Years in this "cheena" school and even grew to be part of it. Secrets start to unravel itself when we start to see the light. (Lol) Actually we are just more open and honest with everything and anything that happened before. Made some new friends lost some old friends and will go on to miss all the great people I came to know within this short period of time.

[edited]

We've finished our last 100m.

We've answered the last question.

Now, it's time to say goodbye.

But before that, We've had a crazy steamboat :)

My first charity programme and hosting debut : 《粥太煮周》
Starring: Zhou Huisan
Hosted By: Fondants C
Today's Menu: 鸡块蘑菇粥
Ingredients:
鸡汤一锅
饭两碗
鸡块随意
蘑菇随意

Please call 1900-112-STOP to donate. Once the phonecalls hit 5000, we'll stop cooking.

Crazy Competition:
Cleanest Aluminium Foil
Best Cooked Egg
Ratings for 黄金九点党！

I think I won the Egg one.! Huisan turned a pot of soup into 冬粉. We attempted to cook oyster omelete with clams. We also had a sunny side up, mushroom omelete and satay chinken omelete. Not forgeting, eggshell and seaweed omelete. Hungry? I doubt so.

Huisan's

Mine (nicer laaaaah)

&Counting down to the last time I 'll be wearing the uniform!

Will update again soon. Tired laaaaaaaaaah, trainning tmr!

Thursday, November 8

Hello, this kinda made my day!

Also thanks for all the concern.

But things will always work themselves out, right?

Tuesday, November 6

I start telling myself to be happy.
I don't think straight.
I can't stop my mind from wandering.
I feel like starting a quarrel with the next unlucky soul
I starve myself on purpose.
I feel like crying one moment and laughing the next.
I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to go anywhere.
I feel like killing myself.
I want to give up all my holiday plans.
I can hardly stand time alone.
I feel like crap.

Tell me this is just a phase we'll all go through and it's perfectly normal.

You call when I have 3 papers left.
You call to ask me how was my preparation.
You call to ask me if I had eaten.

I tell you it's going fine.
I tell you it's ending already.
I tell you I had even when I hadn't.

You wouldn't realise the hesitation and the nuances in my voice. By always showing your concern late just isn't enough. If you think that occasional phonecalls will help you understand your forsaken child, well it doesn't. Phonecalls don't make you a Dad. Oh, you realised I was having my exams. Why could someone I hadn't contacted in more than six months know that and he is just as busy if not busier that you? Thanks alot for your care and concern. But I don't think I need this. I don't need any of these.

You just had to constantly remind me that nobody wants me.
You just had to tell me that you'd rather I were dead.
You just had to show me that I'm far your favourite child.
You just had to prove to me that I'm a failure.
You just had to step on my hardwork and efforts like this.

I already knew all that.

It's way beyond choice. I wouldn't have chosen you either. Sell me off to a rich family when I was younger then. I would have been so much better off. I would have been all those things that I am not now, all those things that you hated if you didn't bring me up.

I'm sorry it had to be like this.

Monday, November 5

The Worst had Passed but the Best is Yet to Come

School's Out School's Out School's Out!

Exams over already?

Well, yeah!

What about the Paper Ones.?

Oh. Rigggggggggggggggggggght.

If you missed the paper today, here's what you should have been rejoicing about!
. Easy paper, Easy Questions (:
Only thing I missed was not hearing YiJie shout yes! It would have been a deafening one. Now I don't know to feel relieved or angry about the efforts I put in the past few days cramming all these propaganda. It's a scam! Walao, why Olevels so easy one?

I wonder is it the environment or is it just plainly me. I seem to have alot more time doing the paper today then any other days put together.

Now for the fun/work ahead!

If you have Job lobangs please remember to tell meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Friday, November 2

Everything bad and annoying unite and coincide on the same Day

Should I go to Korea?

But Going to Korea will cost me a bomb.
My weak lungs cannot tahan cold places.
Go Korea= work my guts out during hols.
Giving up my shopping and all other plans.

But Korea is my dream.
And going overseas is on my post exam list.
I get to catch up with Hsiaoen.
I get to ski.

Alamak, all the disadvantages of being poor.

Watched Niu Zai Hen Mang MV on Youtube earlier on. Jay Chou is so cute! If I bothered about getting tickets, I could have been on my way to his concert.

At least its a liitle comforting to know that I have only 4 papers left, of which 3 are MCQs!

Haiya, why Hsiaoen cannot go Taiwan or Hong Kong instead!

Anyone wants to give me a loan so that I can go to Korea?

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Forget about Korea. Im not going anywhere. I don't understand on what grounds her arguments are based on. Im using my own savings for the trip mind you. You jolly have thew choice to the way you spend your money. And u want to throw it into the sea by investing in that useless bum at home then that's your problem. I don't care if you've got no money. You chose to waste it. Even when I wanted tuition I get nothing. He gets what art class? If he has no artistic talent then so be it. No lessons will make up for it.

What about going when I start working? I'm still using my savings. My savings that I lent you to get back your damn wacth to see you pawn it again. You know what? You don't have to prove to me so damnit obvious that you are biased. Im better off dead you said. Well, I don't think you'll still have a daughter any longer. You don't even plan to send me to university.

Hello, Im up for adoption!

Looking for a caring family with loving parents.

Wealth would be preferred but this is only secondary.