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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Friday, August 31
Ok,Not So Happy Prelims
Suddenly, when I start to take it slow.
Finally, it's all catching up. Lethargy, disappoinment and that attitude of mine. Imagine the kind of alarm that goes off when you start falling short of your own expectations. Thunderous and threatening. Panic striken fingers fumble around the dark to get to the off switch. Non-existent.
Honestly, Good Luck.
Sometimes, I really hate myself. And I don't need others to remind me of what a parasite I can be.
I'm having a hard time trying to be sane.
Mumble Mumble Mumble
Time passes very slowly when you're not doing anything constructive. Has to remind you that you're wasting time *&^%$#@!.
Just Had to do that, eh.
Grumble Grumble Grumble
Go on, strut your inadequate stuff.
Last strand.
Lost my sanity.
Sunday, August 26
Happy Prelims!
Exams means I go school later, which implies that I can wake up later and suggests that I can sleep more. I don't fancy all the chit chat before and after papers. Those "hey, ask you ah.." when they actually know more than you do and those sitting there soaking in all the sounds and keeping their two cents worth to themselves (selfish!) before the paper. And the "die la, confirm fail.." when they are actually quite proud of their plot but just want people to probe. Or they genuinly feel kiasu and want to dig up the dirt on how other's are faring after the paper. Go late, stay away from wagging tongues and sweaty lips.
That reminds me, how to write speech huh.?
Turns out, JianAn don't know. And he very honestly claims he feels he will ace compo! (kudos!)
I hope I do too.
Let's just all be honest for the last time.
Good luck and have fun!
Friday, August 24
Up and awake with nothing to do before Chemistry Practical.
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Her shory hair was in a shade of flaming red, speaking of the burning passion lying beneath her exterior. A designer bag hung off her delicate shoulders. Casually, she lifted her manicured hand to adjust her sports jacket with a labelled carefully sitched in the front of her chest. Opening her bag, she took out a matching designer wallet. Cards gleemed against the lights in the store. She randomly picked one and handed in to the cashier, briefly nodding at her Philippino company to place the pieces of clothing on the counter.
I watched as she made her payment. Then at another lady behind her. The many bottles of alcohol were evident in her slightly portuding belly. The pleasant cooper tone in her hair had faded, allowing strands of silvery white hair to come out of their hiding. She lifted her calluosed hands to touch her cheeks, as if wanting to smooth out the many lines in them. Her nails were chipped, with the paint she applied the day before peeling.
Despite all that, she was smiling. A stark contrast to the forlorn face of the other lady.
I watched intently as the other lady gathered her shopping bags and still can't help but think, that she should be living like her.
But her company was her family, not a foreigner. This was enough.
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What to buy, what to buy? 30 th is drawing near.
Miss Lai never email me >:/
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Her shory hair was in a shade of flaming red, speaking of the burning passion lying beneath her exterior. A designer bag hung off her delicate shoulders. Casually, she lifted her manicured hand to adjust her sports jacket with a labelled carefully sitched in the front of her chest. Opening her bag, she took out a matching designer wallet. Cards gleemed against the lights in the store. She randomly picked one and handed in to the cashier, briefly nodding at her Philippino company to place the pieces of clothing on the counter.
I watched as she made her payment. Then at another lady behind her. The many bottles of alcohol were evident in her slightly portuding belly. The pleasant cooper tone in her hair had faded, allowing strands of silvery white hair to come out of their hiding. She lifted her calluosed hands to touch her cheeks, as if wanting to smooth out the many lines in them. Her nails were chipped, with the paint she applied the day before peeling.
Despite all that, she was smiling. A stark contrast to the forlorn face of the other lady.
I watched intently as the other lady gathered her shopping bags and still can't help but think, that she should be living like her.
But her company was her family, not a foreigner. This was enough.
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What to buy, what to buy? 30 th is drawing near.
Miss Lai never email me >:/
Sunday, August 19
Pain.
Heart spliting pain.
Just like driving a bullet through my heart.
I'm never going to make it in time, will I? Never would make enough to let you live it. Never would have enough time, never would have enough heart. Never had enough faith, even to whisper a little prayer each day.
Health supplements don't nip your pain. It grows thorns in me. Is seven years a long time? Even ten years would not be enough because by then, I would owe you 26 of them. It doesn't help if you try to toughen me up and you speak of leaving some day. It doesn't help when I owe you so much and you wouldn't even stay for me to repay it. It doesn't help that I so conveniently forget that I'm in debt and resist your good intentions. It doesn't help. It doesn't help nothing.
I could spend a lifetime trying. But I would never compile the list of items on this receipt. Too much, too expensive, too heart breaking. All these time with you laughing alongside me, crying infront of me, standing behind me, I could never get use to it. I could never get use to the abrupt emptiness you'll leave behind.
"Be strong"
"Don't worry"
"Take care please"
I wonder why I could never say all these but hide in a corner with my cheeks damp and lips quivering. I'm genuinely afraid. Afraid of departure. Afraid that no one would fill my oil tank any more. Afraid, of you. So often we hang death of our lips. So often we see it like a TV gimmick. So often we distance ourselves from it.
I'm way too weak, to stand on my own two feet.
I'm way too weakm, way too forgetful to remind myself of this. Like everyone else, I like to turn away from problems. I like to be selective with my memory.
All I can do, is hope for the better, that that someone out there really listens and performs miracles. Weak heart, little faith, guilty conscience. Should have said grace more often. Not that I choose not to believe but rather, it is hard to believe. My greenhouse always had a missing roof, different from everyone else. Skeptical? No, realistic.
The anxiety always lies in the anticipation. Forecasting only warns you of the storm ahead. And this leaves you crippled with no knowlegde of what you should do. You can't look into the future, it's all too dark to see. But you can replay the past, with highlights on your shouldn't haves.
I would love to see your thinning grey hair and toothless smile somewhere along this journey, not your fading figure slowly lost in the wind.
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Kinda had to get that out. No worries(:
Wouldn't make a difference anyway.
Heart spliting pain.
Just like driving a bullet through my heart.
I'm never going to make it in time, will I? Never would make enough to let you live it. Never would have enough time, never would have enough heart. Never had enough faith, even to whisper a little prayer each day.
Health supplements don't nip your pain. It grows thorns in me. Is seven years a long time? Even ten years would not be enough because by then, I would owe you 26 of them. It doesn't help if you try to toughen me up and you speak of leaving some day. It doesn't help when I owe you so much and you wouldn't even stay for me to repay it. It doesn't help that I so conveniently forget that I'm in debt and resist your good intentions. It doesn't help. It doesn't help nothing.
I could spend a lifetime trying. But I would never compile the list of items on this receipt. Too much, too expensive, too heart breaking. All these time with you laughing alongside me, crying infront of me, standing behind me, I could never get use to it. I could never get use to the abrupt emptiness you'll leave behind.
"Be strong"
"Don't worry"
"Take care please"
I wonder why I could never say all these but hide in a corner with my cheeks damp and lips quivering. I'm genuinely afraid. Afraid of departure. Afraid that no one would fill my oil tank any more. Afraid, of you. So often we hang death of our lips. So often we see it like a TV gimmick. So often we distance ourselves from it.
I'm way too weak, to stand on my own two feet.
I'm way too weakm, way too forgetful to remind myself of this. Like everyone else, I like to turn away from problems. I like to be selective with my memory.
All I can do, is hope for the better, that that someone out there really listens and performs miracles. Weak heart, little faith, guilty conscience. Should have said grace more often. Not that I choose not to believe but rather, it is hard to believe. My greenhouse always had a missing roof, different from everyone else. Skeptical? No, realistic.
The anxiety always lies in the anticipation. Forecasting only warns you of the storm ahead. And this leaves you crippled with no knowlegde of what you should do. You can't look into the future, it's all too dark to see. But you can replay the past, with highlights on your shouldn't haves.
I would love to see your thinning grey hair and toothless smile somewhere along this journey, not your fading figure slowly lost in the wind.
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Kinda had to get that out. No worries(:
Wouldn't make a difference anyway.
Saturday, August 18
The ship rocked as the waves attacked its sides. Water dripped from the low wooden ceiling into the space packed with 40 people. Most had their eyes shut, asleep or not breathing. It would be difficult to differentiate who were still alive just by looking. Everyone had the colour drained from their sunken cheeks. Years of starvation were evident from their bony figures. Chee keong shuddered as a drop of water trickled down the side of his face, not at the cold but the cruelty of reality.
His nineteen years of earth had been sufficient. He knew how an empty stomach churned. He knew how a heart pines for a loved one robed by socialism. He knew the anger of having been promised hope and a better future but not even getting to taste it. Chee Keong peered out of the porthole. All he saw was darkness and the uncertainty of the future.
Leaving was never an option. They had called people like Chee Keong, the minority who received an education, young intellects. They did not want people to be able to think, to be a threat to the communist party. The Red Guards, teenagers like himself, persecuted them. The number of books burnt, the number of talents lost to the countrysides grew with each passing day. Soon, everyone lost count.
"What are you carying on this ship?" boomed a voice from the deck overhead. Eyelids flew open as people awoke to the sudden lost of velocity of the ship. Coast Guards. They huddled closer in the already suffocating space. Footsteps step began to penetrate their skulls as the coast guards advanced towards the small trap door above.
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Ok, getting a wee bit tired.
This was meant to be freedom but I kena dua. So became deceit.
Didn't get me anything good cause it was a little impromptu.
I still like it as freedom but need to rewrite ending!
Orals, are perhaps the best thing that can happen to you. Simply, undeniable. Good luck for those pending your last oral. Quite interesting, really. That's if you get irony and sarcasm.
Prelims come quick! I want to get my phone already /=
His nineteen years of earth had been sufficient. He knew how an empty stomach churned. He knew how a heart pines for a loved one robed by socialism. He knew the anger of having been promised hope and a better future but not even getting to taste it. Chee Keong peered out of the porthole. All he saw was darkness and the uncertainty of the future.
Leaving was never an option. They had called people like Chee Keong, the minority who received an education, young intellects. They did not want people to be able to think, to be a threat to the communist party. The Red Guards, teenagers like himself, persecuted them. The number of books burnt, the number of talents lost to the countrysides grew with each passing day. Soon, everyone lost count.
"What are you carying on this ship?" boomed a voice from the deck overhead. Eyelids flew open as people awoke to the sudden lost of velocity of the ship. Coast Guards. They huddled closer in the already suffocating space. Footsteps step began to penetrate their skulls as the coast guards advanced towards the small trap door above.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, getting a wee bit tired.
This was meant to be freedom but I kena dua. So became deceit.
Didn't get me anything good cause it was a little impromptu.
I still like it as freedom but need to rewrite ending!
Orals, are perhaps the best thing that can happen to you. Simply, undeniable. Good luck for those pending your last oral. Quite interesting, really. That's if you get irony and sarcasm.
Prelims come quick! I want to get my phone already /=
Tuesday, August 14
Very disappointed and unhappy at my short story.
It somehow feels like this, I took a step forward and every thing else ran over to meet me. Time, in its own fascinating way, flies. Or rather, it charges. At. You.
You'd barely get to taste it before Olevels waves goodbye. (What a relief!)
The many things I want to do after Os:
:Watch Midnight movies every Saturday at Cathay
:Learn Thai boxing
:Frequent the gym(?)
:Experiment with my perhaps thinned* hair
:Go Taiwan with classmates
:Kite flying
:Rent DVDs/VCDs and watch till my eyes go out
:Most Importantly, Shop.
:Get sprayed at Orchard during Christmas
:Have a smashing seventeen
The activities mentioned above would require me to have some substance in my wallet or bank account. Heh. Perhaps some rich boyfriend! (No, really, I'm just joking)
*With all the stress, you'd pull at your hair.
That's for later and some motivation.
For now, a handful of dozens of days, with time really being a luxury that we do not have, let's have fun. Anyway, we only take Olevels once (or we hope so). I guess it's about time to start studying (mock Prelims?). Pray that we survive everything with hair, so that we have something to let down when it's all over : D
It somehow feels like this, I took a step forward and every thing else ran over to meet me. Time, in its own fascinating way, flies. Or rather, it charges. At. You.
You'd barely get to taste it before Olevels waves goodbye. (What a relief!)
The many things I want to do after Os:
:Watch Midnight movies every Saturday at Cathay
:Learn Thai boxing
:Frequent the gym(?)
:Experiment with my perhaps thinned* hair
:Go Taiwan with classmates
:Kite flying
:Rent DVDs/VCDs and watch till my eyes go out
:Most Importantly, Shop.
:Get sprayed at Orchard during Christmas
:Have a smashing seventeen
The activities mentioned above would require me to have some substance in my wallet or bank account. Heh. Perhaps some rich boyfriend! (No, really, I'm just joking)
*With all the stress, you'd pull at your hair.
That's for later and some motivation.
For now, a handful of dozens of days, with time really being a luxury that we do not have, let's have fun. Anyway, we only take Olevels once (or we hope so). I guess it's about time to start studying (mock Prelims?). Pray that we survive everything with hair, so that we have something to let down when it's all over : D
Thursday, August 9
All That Fun in the Sun
Best CrossCountry ever.
If you missed this, we still have a handful of dozens of days.
Although our shirt got owned in the end, it was still pure handwork on our part and not some machine slogging to print your so original tees.
Not to mention, handmade shirts win machines any day.
Hands down.
Flat out.
That and 10 times over.
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Disappointment rolled in with lots of shouting/singing, laughter and fun, cheering and jeering.
and to a certain Jo-nathan Kwok, They say the shirt looks nicer than your face. You say the shirt is ugly. I wonder how you live with yourself.
Some times I really don't see us as a class.
But this, is already an achievement.
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On our way to wherever we will end up.
And I apologise for the wet blanket/grouchy face I was yesterday.
Not very happy and very tired and sticky.
Still, the movie made my day!
Very, Very, Very, Very worth the money and watch again another time.
Still, the movie made my day!
Very, Very, Very, Very worth the money and watch again another time.
Watch again! anyone?
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The shoulderaches, headaches, splitting soles, parched throat was well worth it to finally feel the wind blowing on our beaming faces, and our shirts fluttering, along with the flag, our voices and the pride and joy of being owned by SG.
That, was hardwork.
That, was accomplishment.
That, was GR owning you.
Monday, August 6
I think, I'm very lazy to write.
But my short story's been swirling around in my head, looking for an opening.
Some blessings in life are worth living for.
Some friends we have are worth dying for.
That's why Sweet Sixteen was the best birthday yet.
Oh, speaking of which, My birthday's in Four months (:
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Nothing stirred in the dead of the night. Nothing but a woman's mind. Beyond the darkness slowly devouring her, she saw a trailer of her life movie drilling scorn and pain into the deep reccesses of her heart. Feelings tucked away started to flow from a faucet in her. I will make you pay!
In that same second, her heavy eyelids flew open. The faces in the photograph stared blankly at her. She made a note to lock it away, for the 18th time. Her heart pounded heavily against her chest. She had sworn not to cry that night and the one before. Howeveer, she very well knew that it was hot tears spilling down her cheeks, the way they had for the past two weeks.
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The Man in the Family - Part 1
Ok, will get the whole of it done by 30 August, just in tme for the man's birthday.
Oh, does anyone want to buy a (stick on?) Bra?
[/edit]
9:01 AM
Do you know how boring it is to call in sick for school.
I'm really rotting at home!
Let me emphasize, This is not truancy (:
Who would want to be stuck in school on a day like this with 2 Essays to write?
Plus, phonics and word stress?
Ah, give it a rest.
[/edit again]
Our Cross Country tee will kick ass.
Especially some random Sec2 shit, who will exclaim "Hey! That was the idea I stole!"
http://no-senseofcommon.blogspot.com/
Shame on you, you are in Grace.
Hello, readers: click the link!
But my short story's been swirling around in my head, looking for an opening.
Some blessings in life are worth living for.
Some friends we have are worth dying for.
That's why Sweet Sixteen was the best birthday yet.
Oh, speaking of which, My birthday's in Four months (:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nothing stirred in the dead of the night. Nothing but a woman's mind. Beyond the darkness slowly devouring her, she saw a trailer of her life movie drilling scorn and pain into the deep reccesses of her heart. Feelings tucked away started to flow from a faucet in her. I will make you pay!
In that same second, her heavy eyelids flew open. The faces in the photograph stared blankly at her. She made a note to lock it away, for the 18th time. Her heart pounded heavily against her chest. She had sworn not to cry that night and the one before. Howeveer, she very well knew that it was hot tears spilling down her cheeks, the way they had for the past two weeks.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Man in the Family - Part 1
Ok, will get the whole of it done by 30 August, just in tme for the man's birthday.
Oh, does anyone want to buy a (stick on?) Bra?
[/edit]
9:01 AM
Do you know how boring it is to call in sick for school.
I'm really rotting at home!
Let me emphasize, This is not truancy (:
Who would want to be stuck in school on a day like this with 2 Essays to write?
Plus, phonics and word stress?
Ah, give it a rest.
[/edit again]
Our Cross Country tee will kick ass.
Especially some random Sec2 shit, who will exclaim "Hey! That was the idea I stole!"
http://no-senseofcommon.blogspot.com/
Shame on you, you are in Grace.
Hello, readers: click the link!
Saturday, August 4
The Last Date
Perhaps our very last time playing in this toilet, my dears.
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Sneaks!
Perhaps our very last time playing in this toilet, my dears.
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Today's BBQFAREWELL!
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Sneaks!
Ok, it's 7:32Am and I couldn't sleep. So crawled up at 7:ooAm to entertain myself.
I think Im a weirdo, but I liked being a nerd.
I think Im a weirdo, but I liked being a nerd.
Temporarily.
Ha! And it's so shiok to hear that someone likes to read your rants.
Ha! And it's so shiok to hear that someone likes to read your rants.
Right down to my toes.
I'm happy like nuts but still, I'll have to go for school now.
Speaking of which, I think I gonna be late.
Will be back for more updates!
Will be back for more updates!