I need to breathe.

It ends here. The unspoken code of conduct that drills me into the ground has worn me out. I am overwhelmed with lethargy. And for now, it's all I/me. I want to talk about me for a change. They said, Don't ever look at yourself first but now, myself is the last thing I will look at.

I had a bad habit. Doesn't matter if you know but all the better if you knew. It made me feel unworthy of ______. Now, I think the ______ is unworthy. When we talk about the good ol'days, you're never gonna understand. And all the love and friendship from ___, ____, ____ was the motivating force, urging mr to go on loving ___, loving ____. I never felt that I deserved anything. When I saw love overflowing your hearts and bursting from the seams of your pockets, I thought I had to give it back. I tried, I really did. No matter how stained I saw myself, I still stuck my foot in there.

I need to love. I need to breathe.

The many times I shoved my hand in my mouth to shut myself up was, countless. I said I was tactless. So I had to, some things just have to remain unheard. However much I sport gossiping as a hobby (still do), I had to watch what came spewing from my mouth. I never believed in freedom of speech, or privacy. So I kept my blog largely unknown. I don't need to showcase my life to people who hardly knew me and leave it out there to be criticised. Now, I had to tie my fingers because I decided I want to share my life. I don't like enclosed places. I don't like confined spaces. I don't like being monitored. I don't like having a standard to meet. I don't like having to please anyone. I don't like living under the shadows of what is morally right for you.

I need to speak. I need to breathe.

When they say, nobody is perfect, they meant it. And so is that a reason for you to try not to be? I've seen the ugliest of human nature not out on the streets but in here. These people make my father look like a saint. Check your heart my dear. Say what you mean, and mean to do it. Don't disappoint others in the comfort that they know they are not supposed to be angry. Cause, they said forgive it the way to go. I say, get real. Don't expect me to be act like an angel just because it's exactly what you're doing.

I need to leave. I need to breathe.

And when I finally can peel off this armour of rules caging my ribs, take a deep breath of the air outside and inflate my heart, it might have enough room to contain all these shit. Maybe then I will return, and exhale in your face.

Love,
Breathing Fondants.

(OMG, relieve)

8:03:00 PM ·