There's a reason why people don't stay who they are

Sunday, March 25

GENUS concert
UCC hall, NUS
12hours of work, baby

NUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUS

This sickeningly spelt sexy. "With capital X."

Ran off halfway through Guitar, sadly(because I had to cut short some good time=moon coming back+pretty fufiling prac) to rush for dinner and get changed. CIP is seriously no fun. Except maybe the two clowns dancing (I really do mean dancing) away backstage. It was tiring/troublesome/boring but heck they pay twelve to see the concert once, they pay me 12hours to see the concert countless times. Plus I was beginning to grow detest for the other school who come late do little and slow and retarded and leave early. Still, there really was alot to learn, esp interms of discipline, which I am currently quite____ over.

Reached home almost 12 and I still painstakingly took effort to do my geography homework which was later complained to be giam chai and "I don't even want to put it on my table." If you don't think SYF is important, here's what, I don't think it is either. The school's wanting/expecting us to excel remember? And you working for the school should see the point of putting us poor kids through all these torment better than we see it right. Nah, maybe because We've gone through it so we know.

Talked quite a fair bit on second day and it brought me back to those days where we sat by the lake hur-ing at the cca block. Suddenly I realised Gold was possible because I know that there were people who cared and whom were putting in as much effort as I was. But there's pretty little of what we can do. After this whole close to tears episode which stage manager interrupted, thankfully or I swore it would have reduced me to tears, and things became hyper 'cos it officially began!

The all day high was definitely after. Singing+ lame jokes + bus ride + more singing + springs + squashed snail): hahaha. Giggly, no no, Laugh out Loud High until we got down to our prospects this year. It was like being doused in cold water and it sent my just rekindled fire dwindling and smouldering in ashes of what was very minimal hope.

Labels: Guitar Ensemble National University of Singapore

Wednesday, March 21

I.AM.NOT.HAPPY.

What's with the everyone saying that they screwed CTs, when they actually got much much much better than me. I don't understand why the significant dip in studies in my S4 yr. I'd rather be doing badly in S3 and improving now. About Chemistry deproving leaps and bounds that I can't keep up with it. Teachers come from the underworld, No, they bring us to the underworld. The thing about Jr.s that drives people nuts and the whole SYF-die-die-must-get-GOLD atmosphere is still not stiffling enough, we are hardly near silver. It just puts me in a whole I want to kill people mood. I don't want to use SYF as an excuse for me to not syudy. I don't want to be doing worse when Im putting in more effort. I don't want to be here blogging. I want to start my revision.

MYEs. Watch me.

Sunday, March 18

I am Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Angry Disappointed and Glad all at the same time.

Happy because I managed to complete my homework
Sad because school's reopen's tmr
Frustrated because I forgot about SS test
Angry because I didnt know about it
Disappointed because I have to wear tie
Glad because School's reopening

Happy because I managed to master Zapin and Shabon
Sad because we scored 113/200
Frustrated because you still can't play
Angry because you don't want to learn to play it
Disappointed because we actually got Gold that time
Glad because there's Dynamic Trio

Happy because I went Bedok Macs again
Sad because I have a really short attention span
Frustrated because I still dont dig physics
Angry because I didnt know about new promo
Disappointed because I want to sign TV promo
Glad because I saw Work people (and it wasn't yean!)

Friday, March 16

ViVoCity,1pm
Blood&Chocolate
Happy16th

Hi. Introducing, GUITAR CLUB'S DYNAMIC TRIO.

Ok, what rubbish. There's this lump gathering at my chest, it's smothering me. Pent up anger, they say. And what better relieve is there than your blogspot where you reserve your freedom of speech and where others utilise theirs so much better that you. Such a rude awakening, their piercing words. Such a heart wrenching moment, their playback. Such a heart shattering, mind blowing, bitter sweet delight, my movie going back two years where it made a mark. A marks so deep, so pleasant, so comforting that it'd hurt when compared to the present. It was tough, but it was fun. Wake up my dears, this isn't your toy our skittles picnic. It's a game, where weak individuals like yourselves show all their key fragmenting pieces. And all I have to do is pick them out and see you fall/break/crumble into many little colourful pieces just like those candies you put into your mouth to reveal the shallow empty interior.

Maybe I got complacet, I don't deny that. But did you feel that confidence to play on stage? When you knew no one was going to let you down and you had something to fall back on to? Because it sucked like *&^%$#@! that I lost my faith, my compsure. This isn't a competition to see who missed out the most, get this, under the spotlight, even the tiniest line on your face cannot be covered by any amount of foundation. It'll be that bare, that exposing, that revealing.

It's just three weeks there about, I'll see you warp and tear under the oppression. Im not letting what I WE worked hard for die out in your hands. To revive this whimpering spirit, I can do anything there is. Dear Seniors, Im sorry for the disappoint we ~~will be~~ already are, and whatever I'd be doing/treating them. But for old time's sake, just leave me be.

Labels: Goodbye happy days

Tuesday, March 13

"Next time even if I see you limping by the road when it's late at night and there is no more public transport and you have no money for cab and walking home, I wont send you home.."

Tell me what can be more heartless than this?

"... No, I will stop and say bye before I drive off."

-.-

Labels: Car ride

Sunday, March 11

Ok, all eyes on Stomp the Yard!

By chance, by accident, I caught this yesterday and it was smoking hot. The dance moves were right off the stove.

Chris Brown is cute, but died quite early into the story.

Though the storyline's a bit cliche, stepping is really fun. And and and... hunks!

Brian White looks much sexier in the movie than in this pathetically small picture. Eh! why no big ones? alright la, he aint the lead anyway but he totally stole the limelight.

Please, go catch it.

Labels: Stomp the Yard

Saturday, March 3

Picture a mountain so daunting, about a thousand times your height. A landslide sends the peak crumbling down on you. Layers of earth pile on top of you, suffocating, stifling. And so heavy. You push, you resist, you fight. But all your effort is futile. Then when you give up, give in, you feel relieved. The earth is still strangling, still trying to lift the soul out of your mortal shell. That's not the worst, the worst is, you let it.

I see my results slip. Falling on to me, they're so much more than I can bear seriously. I know I havent been really working very hard. So I try to make it up, I Do all that I can to try and salvage, but that tinge of laziness and pride leftover from the past is a tripping stone. Instead of using past events as a target, I see it as an assurance, I compare, I sigh, I procrastinate. Then I look at her from before.

She gets buried but she doesnt let hope go under with her. She struggled yes, and it wasnt easy. Maybe she had to put in more effort, her mountain was tougher to conquer. But she doesnt blame anyone, nor swim in her own misery and let it take her over bit by bit, drowning her out. She kept quiet, she listened and she heard. She wasn't alone.

But now, Im trying to make it woth my own effort, own time, own heart. I left him in a corner, claiming, No, Im too busy now. I try to save my own skin but when I failed the only alternative I saw was to let it take control, overide me.

And I see.

You clawed at the soil above, layer by, with his help from ground level, uncovering the dirt until air could ventilate again. You pushed through the last thin sheet of brown veil and now the mountain is no longer daunting, no longer overpowering. You scramble to your feet and see that you're stepping on what used to be half of the mountain.