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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Hsiaoen
Rachel
Cheryl
Huishan
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Yinghui
Jasmine
MEI NU
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Thursday, September 28
i know i can study.
why cant i just get started?
i dont want to keep regreting like last year. i really hate myself for that. i want to do the best i can. i want to show the school what i can do. i want to show huiyi who's the idiot now. and some sucker who thinks i would fail badly for EOYs. I AM NOT A BIMBO. i have brains.
please, just study, i dont care how, dont care where, i'll do it.
cheryl, work hard too(:
why cant i just get started?
i dont want to keep regreting like last year. i really hate myself for that. i want to do the best i can. i want to show the school what i can do. i want to show huiyi who's the idiot now. and some sucker who thinks i would fail badly for EOYs. I AM NOT A BIMBO. i have brains.
please, just study, i dont care how, dont care where, i'll do it.
cheryl, work hard too(:
Tuesday, September 26
urge to cry.
tears at verge.
NO TEARS.
how excruciating.
im not sad or anything, i just feel like it. haha. there's a reason actually. and im not being coherent. i cant think straight, goodness im hanging by on my last few strands of sanity. man, did some mugging today and boy was it for nought. its not gonna be tested for test i missed today! at least physics didnt waste my efforts. i really dont like geog teacher.
and yes, yaochang is nice(:
tears at verge.
NO TEARS.
how excruciating.
im not sad or anything, i just feel like it. haha. there's a reason actually. and im not being coherent. i cant think straight, goodness im hanging by on my last few strands of sanity. man, did some mugging today and boy was it for nought. its not gonna be tested for test i missed today! at least physics didnt waste my efforts. i really dont like geog teacher.
and yes, yaochang is nice(:
Sunday, September 24
i bloody hell have so much fun and i cant get studying.
i understand cheryl's love for the group now. dont pull out now, dont. after the mediacorp left, i went to the audi and "ey, cheryl ley." then they told me to go HOD room. what they said were that, showtime means the most to you than any of them, they say you care the most, you lose out the most. and you're the only one who dares to speak up and mkuek wouldnt scold you back. its hardwork but you've come so far. its this thing that you wanted so much, why, then, pull out now? others are tired too, if you were to walk out now, its gonna be quite hard on them yes?
anyway, i dont like lower sec,
i hate guitar.
why give me the attitude and boss me around when the one who put in the most effort was me. and all you do is sit there and be the good fellow. and now my concerto piece is gone. did i even say anything? why then, you whose part for the song is so simple,complain. ive definitly put in more work and time on it. and however disappointed and sad i was, i never said anything.
SHUT UP MAN, bloody fucking guitar, you ruined it with your bare hands. STOP PLAYING QUIEN SERA LIKE ITS THE ONLY SONG TO PLAY, ITS OUR SONG, OUR SYF, OUR GOLD.
OUR SONG.
US.
not you.
i understand cheryl's love for the group now. dont pull out now, dont. after the mediacorp left, i went to the audi and "ey, cheryl ley." then they told me to go HOD room. what they said were that, showtime means the most to you than any of them, they say you care the most, you lose out the most. and you're the only one who dares to speak up and mkuek wouldnt scold you back. its hardwork but you've come so far. its this thing that you wanted so much, why, then, pull out now? others are tired too, if you were to walk out now, its gonna be quite hard on them yes?
anyway, i dont like lower sec,
i hate guitar.
why give me the attitude and boss me around when the one who put in the most effort was me. and all you do is sit there and be the good fellow. and now my concerto piece is gone. did i even say anything? why then, you whose part for the song is so simple,complain. ive definitly put in more work and time on it. and however disappointed and sad i was, i never said anything.
SHUT UP MAN, bloody fucking guitar, you ruined it with your bare hands. STOP PLAYING QUIEN SERA LIKE ITS THE ONLY SONG TO PLAY, ITS OUR SONG, OUR SYF, OUR GOLD.
OUR SONG.
US.
not you.
Saturday, September 23
AHS is some school.
playing games on our territory. i dont like people look at me. GET THAT?
yesterday was a disater. i dont know how many times i can feel this way, but i HATE CG. hypocrites, end of story.
oohhs, todays wass funs. been talking like that and screaming NOOBS at other people. haha. mid autumn festival was fun ! i believe busking is not a good career, i earned only 40cents. ahh, and a pen. okok, then it was more fun in the staffroom. ran through the script a few times and it was rather late, and they had to decide that they want to listen to ghost stories. its really scary because i managed to visualise it in my head. then only me and cheryl were screaming our heads off. its scary, really ! i am so glad i made it home alive. but home is living hell, heck, what's the difference man.
thr's school tmr! and cip. GUITAR, sians.
playing games on our territory. i dont like people look at me. GET THAT?
yesterday was a disater. i dont know how many times i can feel this way, but i HATE CG. hypocrites, end of story.
oohhs, todays wass funs. been talking like that and screaming NOOBS at other people. haha. mid autumn festival was fun ! i believe busking is not a good career, i earned only 40cents. ahh, and a pen. okok, then it was more fun in the staffroom. ran through the script a few times and it was rather late, and they had to decide that they want to listen to ghost stories. its really scary because i managed to visualise it in my head. then only me and cheryl were screaming our heads off. its scary, really ! i am so glad i made it home alive. but home is living hell, heck, what's the difference man.
thr's school tmr! and cip. GUITAR, sians.
Wednesday, September 20
im so in love with this
okok, go look !
changed seats today, and i guess yes, im the one who benefits the most out of the change. actually she benefits also ya? haha, we accidentally set the dustbin on fire today. luckily it was put out in time(: i cant find shou qian shou chords. its a damn nice thing lur ! it just shows different people coming together to fight against one common enemy. we accomplish more in numbers. and therefore,
have diversty
hahaha. i love the barney thing i wrote ! ahh, just ike it because mr lee likes it. i basically hate what i write. like this.
okok, go look !
changed seats today, and i guess yes, im the one who benefits the most out of the change. actually she benefits also ya? haha, we accidentally set the dustbin on fire today. luckily it was put out in time(: i cant find shou qian shou chords. its a damn nice thing lur ! it just shows different people coming together to fight against one common enemy. we accomplish more in numbers. and therefore,
have diversty
BE GRACE.
hahaha. i love the barney thing i wrote ! ahh, just ike it because mr lee likes it. i basically hate what i write. like this.
Monday, September 18
mum thinks im childish ):
just because im into french braiding again.
i have been good today(: i did english and phyisic alrdy ! im left with emaths which i dont rly feel like doing because i dont have my calculator. shall get around to it later.
just because im into french braiding again.
i have been good today(: i did english and phyisic alrdy ! im left with emaths which i dont rly feel like doing because i dont have my calculator. shall get around to it later.
ahh, eyecandy eyecandy !
i've been on youtube looking at him lately. haha, gosh, everyone else is having life nowadays and i have none. AKKKK.
i agree that public transport is horrible. so i walked home from school on saturday while deciding if i should go for service. and i thought, what for? dont act like you care, truth be told, christians are pretty much hypocrites. not all, just that the extra enthusiasm and fakeness trend is getting worse. just get this, i dont care either. i dont feel part of it, i dont feel comfortable. somehow, im like that piece of the puzzle that wouldnt fit. maybe im just not cut out to be a christ follower, since, im nth like-christ.
damn, I REALLY REALLY NEED TO STUDAYE LA. please urge me to.
Saturday, September 16
school's fun !
mKuek's in a good mood today. and i sat next to her staring. when i realised that she was ignoring it, i blew at her ear. oh so irritating ! ah, this is FUN^^
actually, im super bored now. there's still school tmr, gosh. i dont wanna go. somehow things arent so much fun when it seems like im the only person doing it. somebody please be supportive ! this is like the taiwan thingamajig. lets bring candles to surround her man ! we have lighters(: been fun playing with the lighters today ! like super big cos very windy. and our class seriously stinks. we smell like burning cardboard while next door smell like gummy bears. im serious ! we took a whif. heh, life's empty lately. should i go for service tmr? get in touch in my spiritual side. nah, i'll see how it goes, if they remember that there's me.
i change my mind, school's crazy. been a rather rough day that it kinda leaves me a little loss of words.
ahh, damn.
mKuek's in a good mood today. and i sat next to her staring. when i realised that she was ignoring it, i blew at her ear. oh so irritating ! ah, this is FUN^^
actually, im super bored now. there's still school tmr, gosh. i dont wanna go. somehow things arent so much fun when it seems like im the only person doing it. somebody please be supportive ! this is like the taiwan thingamajig. lets bring candles to surround her man ! we have lighters(: been fun playing with the lighters today ! like super big cos very windy. and our class seriously stinks. we smell like burning cardboard while next door smell like gummy bears. im serious ! we took a whif. heh, life's empty lately. should i go for service tmr? get in touch in my spiritual side. nah, i'll see how it goes, if they remember that there's me.
i change my mind, school's crazy. been a rather rough day that it kinda leaves me a little loss of words.
ahh, damn.
Thursday, September 14
I AM SO DAMN BLOODY PISSED.
THIS STINKING SCHOOL WHO TREATS US LIKE CRIMINALS WHEN THEY ONLY HEARD ONE SIDE OF THE DISTORTED STORY. JUST BECAUSE HER FUCKING PARENTS ARE THERE. LIKE I HAVE NO MOTHER OR FATHER. INFACT, IF YOUR PARENTS WERE TO ENGAGE IN A CAT FIGHT WITH MINE, imagine, ahlian and ahbeng against WHAT? LOSERS. name suggests the outcome. AND YOU DONT LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. what about reliability? fairness? arent those what you try to teach us? FORGET IT. YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO. you dont even know what it means. AND IT WAS BLLODY HELL NONE OF MY BUSINESS. so you have to go and say i INSTIGATED IT. yes, i even planned Bali bombing. how's that. ever wondered how life can be miserable? i'll let you have a taste of it, and here i quote "WO HAI MEI YOU GEN NI WAN WAN" FUCK MAN.
SUCK ON THAT LOSER SHIT.
THIS STINKING SCHOOL WHO TREATS US LIKE CRIMINALS WHEN THEY ONLY HEARD ONE SIDE OF THE DISTORTED STORY. JUST BECAUSE HER FUCKING PARENTS ARE THERE. LIKE I HAVE NO MOTHER OR FATHER. INFACT, IF YOUR PARENTS WERE TO ENGAGE IN A CAT FIGHT WITH MINE, imagine, ahlian and ahbeng against WHAT? LOSERS. name suggests the outcome. AND YOU DONT LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. what about reliability? fairness? arent those what you try to teach us? FORGET IT. YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO. you dont even know what it means. AND IT WAS BLLODY HELL NONE OF MY BUSINESS. so you have to go and say i INSTIGATED IT. yes, i even planned Bali bombing. how's that. ever wondered how life can be miserable? i'll let you have a taste of it, and here i quote "WO HAI MEI YOU GEN NI WAN WAN" FUCK MAN.
SUCK ON THAT LOSER SHIT.
Sunday, September 10
damn,
i have no life.
had wanted to come online for eLearning but asknlearn doesnt allow me to ask or to learn. Heymath! aint that useful afterall. rahh, im bored. and im poor, can some jerk please pay up soon. bloody irritating. i wanna go arcading, (screams inside). and i admit, im in no mood to study. mugging just dont really stick. been wondering if i get ZEROs for EOYs, midyrs help me?
SHOOT ME.
please,
i have no life.
had wanted to come online for eLearning but asknlearn doesnt allow me to ask or to learn. Heymath! aint that useful afterall. rahh, im bored. and im poor, can some jerk please pay up soon. bloody irritating. i wanna go arcading, (screams inside). and i admit, im in no mood to study. mugging just dont really stick. been wondering if i get ZEROs for EOYs, midyrs help me?
SHOOT ME.
please,
Thursday, September 7
imma pretty much loosing my mind.
and Cheryl loses it with me(:
this is my last shot at redemption. I WANNA STUDAYE. been real caught up with trivial things, material ones. its been a crazy few days doing things that I've always wanted to do. CHRISONICOUS. gosh. I've got to get out of the year end dip thing. off goes everything now, just me and the books. however, i do not deprive myself of teevee or the Internet. this is going to save me when i go completely nuts and decide to study at 3am in the morning again. Ms Shamila says not to do that during exams and i shan't(: proved to be really taxing the next day. and not much help? ahh, yes.
WHOA. i just realised my bro has a friend who has almost the exact same number as mine, except for the last number. SWWEEEEEEET.
the agony.
and Cheryl loses it with me(:
this is my last shot at redemption. I WANNA STUDAYE. been real caught up with trivial things, material ones. its been a crazy few days doing things that I've always wanted to do. CHRISONICOUS. gosh. I've got to get out of the year end dip thing. off goes everything now, just me and the books. however, i do not deprive myself of teevee or the Internet. this is going to save me when i go completely nuts and decide to study at 3am in the morning again. Ms Shamila says not to do that during exams and i shan't(: proved to be really taxing the next day. and not much help? ahh, yes.
WHOA. i just realised my bro has a friend who has almost the exact same number as mine, except for the last number. SWWEEEEEEET.
the agony.
Monday, September 4
i wonder how i survive bitching 'bout other people nowadays. damn, im so super no life. fancy me teaching cheryl to be friendly.
handbook to friendliness(:
walk around looking like this :D
handbook to friendliness(:
walk around looking like this :D
white lies is the key !
the essential thing in keeping a friendship going is to your friends self esteem. never distort truth, however, do it in a less blunt way. something like "you are not bad de loh" instead of " you are so pretty" when she is not the least bit pretty.
DO NOT be in self denial
to suceed, first face up to reality ! you must see where the problem lies before you can tackle and solve it (gosh, frienster sure is slow) ah, well. lying to others is fine but never to urself.
self praise and bootlicking
a good way is encourage urself ! tell yourself you're making progress and do maintain it ! oooh, good ol' bootlicking. the best way to start a conversation. eg. "your uniform is so nice leh !"
even if it looks like this. ( for cheryl to laugh and die) then a bimbotic nerd conversation starts.
blending in
be versatile ! be like them ! iib dhEy aRe liiKe dHiis, tOkk liike dHiis. if they are the oh-i-am-emo-but-is-act-one, then alwaya go like this. (click it)
guess its pretty much. for cheryl to make reference.
how random !
Friday, September 1
had a nightmare and woke up finding myself in tears this morning.
man, i havent had a good night for a week. its either late nights or terrible dreams. but this was the worst.
and suddenly everything else looks to trival to me. it seems so distant yet i thought i saw it at work. its heart wrenching, its horrifying. a human life's rather pathetic, when we all return to dust all that's left is memories. painful ones.
i got so spooked i decided to stay home all day today. and i dont care if i stood them up, i dont care if i miss cg. if my leaders arent even going, why expect me to? rahh.
i want to die early. let's say 60? i dont want to be moaning and groaning as i see people around me pass away. i would die now, if i did not have still many things i want to accomplish. i treasure life, i abhor act-emo people. i am not happy but i smile. geddit? i guess you dont, we HATE you. are you really that dumb to not have realised its you we've been talking about?
i hate feeling like i have a double personality or sth.
man, i havent had a good night for a week. its either late nights or terrible dreams. but this was the worst.
DEATH
and suddenly everything else looks to trival to me. it seems so distant yet i thought i saw it at work. its heart wrenching, its horrifying. a human life's rather pathetic, when we all return to dust all that's left is memories. painful ones.
i got so spooked i decided to stay home all day today. and i dont care if i stood them up, i dont care if i miss cg. if my leaders arent even going, why expect me to? rahh.
i want to die early. let's say 60? i dont want to be moaning and groaning as i see people around me pass away. i would die now, if i did not have still many things i want to accomplish. i treasure life, i abhor act-emo people. i am not happy but i smile. geddit? i guess you dont, we HATE you. are you really that dumb to not have realised its you we've been talking about?
i hate feeling like i have a double personality or sth.