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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Hsiaoen
Rachel
Cheryl
Huishan
Huisan
Moon
JianAn
JingYi
Yinghui
Jasmine
MEI NU
Fiona T
Evander
Philip
MaoQiang
Elin
Jade
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Monday, January 30
the last dance
the last dance.
rather weird way to end it. especially since i did not really liked the dance. tht ends my dancing career. truth speaking i am reluctant to see it go lidat. but how else am i going to find time? not for studies because i can handle during breaks. yup. now that evn ailin wants to leave guitar and new black blood are coming in i think that ive made a big mistake. i cant turn time back, well, just live with it then? hmm, yeah so better ask me back to help out sometime alrght?
had this talk with ailin and angelhuang and co on the bus. well, its supposed to help me feel better, letting things out. but instead it feels bad. because of her lies, how many people have i wronged or got the bad impression of. well, i dont know. but now i really wanna apologise here, SORRY. i cant believe i let her talk me into it. and she just kept playing the good guy by being such a hypocrite and me being hotheaded would nvr be able to tolerate. so ends up with me as the bad guy huh.
why, where have my friend gone then?i came to realise this uglg fact that she was nvr there. whts there was nth but an illusion. one tht she put up to deceive. so wht exactly is she like? no one knows. goodbye,
rather weird way to end it. especially since i did not really liked the dance. tht ends my dancing career. truth speaking i am reluctant to see it go lidat. but how else am i going to find time? not for studies because i can handle during breaks. yup. now that evn ailin wants to leave guitar and new black blood are coming in i think that ive made a big mistake. i cant turn time back, well, just live with it then? hmm, yeah so better ask me back to help out sometime alrght?
had this talk with ailin and angelhuang and co on the bus. well, its supposed to help me feel better, letting things out. but instead it feels bad. because of her lies, how many people have i wronged or got the bad impression of. well, i dont know. but now i really wanna apologise here, SORRY. i cant believe i let her talk me into it. and she just kept playing the good guy by being such a hypocrite and me being hotheaded would nvr be able to tolerate. so ends up with me as the bad guy huh.
why, where have my friend gone then?i came to realise this uglg fact that she was nvr there. whts there was nth but an illusion. one tht she put up to deceive. so wht exactly is she like? no one knows. goodbye,
Sunday, January 22
nobody's home
i couldnt tell you why she felt that way
she felt it everyday
and i couldnt help
i just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong, what wrong now?
too many, too many problem
dont know where she belongs, where she belongs
....
lyrics of nobody's home
just remind me of someone. hmm, song holds special meaning for me. dont know why too.
gosh gotta buy batt later.
she felt it everyday
and i couldnt help
i just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong, what wrong now?
too many, too many problem
dont know where she belongs, where she belongs
....
lyrics of nobody's home
just remind me of someone. hmm, song holds special meaning for me. dont know why too.
gosh gotta buy batt later.
Saturday, January 21
urgh
urgh.
my mind has been wandering off very frequently these few days. ohwells. its been really sickeningly miserable these few days in class and i can imagine how much lonelier i can get. i dont need these la. ive got the Father, son and holy spirit. hahas. i think i talk to them abit too much and people think i talk to myself, like, wht a weirdo. but who else would listen? except perhaps the air? its not easy to understand me. i dont understand myself most of the time anyway. yeah yeah, i should be talking to like normal people but i can only list one or two i would talk to. due to the education system of singapore its not very possible now. i'll hardly see them much less have time to talk. each day now is like living torture. and im barely surviving. i dont want to go through school even if i do, i want to drop and take combine. alrght thts dumb. its such a chore living. evry breath is torture and evry move hurts. <- so exaggerated.
you live in a little shell so protected from the uglyness of the earth and you still cry and feel depressed. i despise you for being such a weakling. oh man. my head's gonna explode if i keep talking to myself lidat. but i cant find anyone to talk to. or at least those i want to. i wish i were tht weakling, who could cry as she may and wished. its really weighing alot right now and i want to let it all out. thts not sensible or in the way and environment i grew up in, its not the best thing to do. someone just slap me and bring me out of this misery right now.
i just feel like dying alrdy. i cant be bothered. maybe i should just draw a book for myself too. hmm. encouraging eh?
my mind has been wandering off very frequently these few days. ohwells. its been really sickeningly miserable these few days in class and i can imagine how much lonelier i can get. i dont need these la. ive got the Father, son and holy spirit. hahas. i think i talk to them abit too much and people think i talk to myself, like, wht a weirdo. but who else would listen? except perhaps the air? its not easy to understand me. i dont understand myself most of the time anyway. yeah yeah, i should be talking to like normal people but i can only list one or two i would talk to. due to the education system of singapore its not very possible now. i'll hardly see them much less have time to talk. each day now is like living torture. and im barely surviving. i dont want to go through school even if i do, i want to drop and take combine. alrght thts dumb. its such a chore living. evry breath is torture and evry move hurts. <- so exaggerated.
you live in a little shell so protected from the uglyness of the earth and you still cry and feel depressed. i despise you for being such a weakling. oh man. my head's gonna explode if i keep talking to myself lidat. but i cant find anyone to talk to. or at least those i want to. i wish i were tht weakling, who could cry as she may and wished. its really weighing alot right now and i want to let it all out. thts not sensible or in the way and environment i grew up in, its not the best thing to do. someone just slap me and bring me out of this misery right now.
i just feel like dying alrdy. i cant be bothered. maybe i should just draw a book for myself too. hmm. encouraging eh?
sickening
wah. so early in the morning sitting here blogging ! trying to think of excuse to go meet God later.
these few days have been really crazy. but at least ive seen through you alrdy. shoo. shoved out of my memories and my life.
had a few talks with certain people that set me thinking. people change. they are very unreliable. so which makes my belief in God something tht i can rely on and pour out to. perhaps i believed because i just need something or someone to fall on to. when everyone else on the face of the earth have deserted you, at least you get to talk to air, or so it seems.
glad im really much more calm than ytd. you think your life stinks ey? pls can you just slap urself? some i can understand but others are just irrational and unreasonable. look at what you have before you lose them someday.
im gonna declare of your doings least some more get hurt. you've choosen like a new life because it brings you wht? more popularity? you choose the world and lost everything else in it. so are we. goodbye you pig. go on pursuing whtevr material stuff there is and we'll just look in disgust. even if you turn back some day, no one is evr going to believe you again. ok maybe only i'll do tht and i detest you, i despise you.
i'll throw tht book out or just keep with me till old age. she's getting better i guess, i hope. the book's lame and dumb anyway. perhaps i would stop drawing in it. it aint gonna make a difference. maybe in a negative way.
im urgently looking for tuition ! someone save me !
these few days have been really crazy. but at least ive seen through you alrdy. shoo. shoved out of my memories and my life.
had a few talks with certain people that set me thinking. people change. they are very unreliable. so which makes my belief in God something tht i can rely on and pour out to. perhaps i believed because i just need something or someone to fall on to. when everyone else on the face of the earth have deserted you, at least you get to talk to air, or so it seems.
glad im really much more calm than ytd. you think your life stinks ey? pls can you just slap urself? some i can understand but others are just irrational and unreasonable. look at what you have before you lose them someday.
im gonna declare of your doings least some more get hurt. you've choosen like a new life because it brings you wht? more popularity? you choose the world and lost everything else in it. so are we. goodbye you pig. go on pursuing whtevr material stuff there is and we'll just look in disgust. even if you turn back some day, no one is evr going to believe you again. ok maybe only i'll do tht and i detest you, i despise you.
i'll throw tht book out or just keep with me till old age. she's getting better i guess, i hope. the book's lame and dumb anyway. perhaps i would stop drawing in it. it aint gonna make a difference. maybe in a negative way.
im urgently looking for tuition ! someone save me !
Tuesday, January 17
dumb
this is so dumb.
cant believe i actually did that. well, its rather obvious huh. lol. okaye. im in too deep already. talk to ms chan a liitle today i think i saw from her eyes that she was rather concerned abt her too. haha. see, youre loved.
im officially out of dance !
thts makes so much more time for me to serve God! im glad i finally made up my mind. but come to think of it i would miss it though. my 10cm gang and all those excercise that can help keep me slim. hahas. ohwells. at last i would be much more free. lols. then i can finally meet up with nana someday. FINALLY. yay. but i'll still be hanging ard till the 27th. so i'll put in the effort for this last dance. DD:
cant believe i actually did that. well, its rather obvious huh. lol. okaye. im in too deep already. talk to ms chan a liitle today i think i saw from her eyes that she was rather concerned abt her too. haha. see, youre loved.
im officially out of dance !
thts makes so much more time for me to serve God! im glad i finally made up my mind. but come to think of it i would miss it though. my 10cm gang and all those excercise that can help keep me slim. hahas. ohwells. at last i would be much more free. lols. then i can finally meet up with nana someday. FINALLY. yay. but i'll still be hanging ard till the 27th. so i'll put in the effort for this last dance. DD:
Sunday, January 15
14th january.
14th january.
it was a beautifulday night. was walking home under the sky when i decided to lift my head up. whoa probalbly one ont the prettiest night ive seen. clouds so clear and white just floats across the dark sky. stars so far out in the distance looking back at you, with the wind that just kept blowin constantly. it made me so happy(?) that it made me wanna dance.
the marvellous creation of God ! makes your tongue sing of his goodness and declare of his love. still i thought wht ive seen that night was the best. it occured to me that the greater has yet to come.
it was a beautiful
the marvellous creation of God ! makes your tongue sing of his goodness and declare of his love. still i thought wht ive seen that night was the best. it occured to me that the greater has yet to come.
Friday, January 13
out dance
im officially quitting dance !
did sth real dumb today, guess it happens when im ard rachel.
im so sorry you'll have to spend hours looking for the locker with your lock in mon.
lol.
okay. im not actually sorry. ohwells.
done my new year shopping:DD had fun today i guess. aftr school tht is. i wanted to just die during lesson. lol. just saw rachel at parkway just now and walked ard abit. lols. she said some stuff and its .. amusing. alrght ! she's so lovable man !
did sth real dumb today, guess it happens when im ard rachel.
im so sorry you'll have to spend hours looking for the locker with your lock in mon.
lol.
okay. im not actually sorry. ohwells.
done my new year shopping:DD had fun today i guess. aftr school tht is. i wanted to just die during lesson. lol. just saw rachel at parkway just now and walked ard abit. lols. she said some stuff and its .. amusing. alrght ! she's so lovable man !
Wednesday, January 11
so pathetic.
i kinda hate it here. ohwells. just darn pathetic. two choices now.
1. live with it you dummy !
2. follow in her footsteps.
option 2 is really tempting cos its the easy way out; or so it seems.
option 1 would bring about much more suffering and hypocritism.
i kno u're trying to help but its rather awkard now.
3. jump out the window and die.
alrght, i vote for number 3 !
-whacks myself " you dumbo !"
4. you kill me :DD
1. live with it you dummy !
2. follow in her footsteps.
option 2 is really tempting cos its the easy way out; or so it seems.
option 1 would bring about much more suffering and hypocritism.
i kno u're trying to help but its rather awkard now.
3. jump out the window and die.
alrght, i vote for number 3 !
-whacks myself " you dumbo !"
4. you kill me :DD
Thursday, January 5
lol
lol.
i actually miss 2GR.
alrght somebdy save me frm this place !
btw, thr's this guai until cutecute guy in my class =x
but i aint interested in him.
i actually miss 2GR.
alrght somebdy save me frm this place !
btw, thr's this guai until cutecute guy in my class =x
but i aint interested in him.
Tuesday, January 3
xmas
xmas :D
alrght! back to blogging !
i was completly blown away when i got home and went throught the xmas cards. it was impressed on me that God was trying to tell me something
sign 1. perfect love drives out all fear
sign 2. philipians 2:13
sign 3. whole of hsiaoen's card
sign 4. stupid yuqian's gift.
so i went flipping through all the encouragement cards i've received and this was wht God told me. " I can use you, just have faith in me" yup. for it is God who works through you ! depend on his strength and not ours. so i quickly told nana before i begin to doubt again. i was totally blown away. how real is he?
school started today D: a real horrible day.
went out with chessia to look for xiaoxiaoqian . so talked about her again. yeah. i love her really. i miss them too.
alrght! back to blogging !
i was completly blown away when i got home and went throught the xmas cards. it was impressed on me that God was trying to tell me something
sign 1. perfect love drives out all fear
sign 2. philipians 2:13
sign 3. whole of hsiaoen's card
sign 4. stupid yuqian's gift.
so i went flipping through all the encouragement cards i've received and this was wht God told me. " I can use you, just have faith in me" yup. for it is God who works through you ! depend on his strength and not ours. so i quickly told nana before i begin to doubt again. i was totally blown away. how real is he?
school started today D: a real horrible day.
went out with chessia to look for xiaoxiaoqian . so talked about her again. yeah. i love her really. i miss them too.