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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
Mail Me: creamsfondants-@hotmail.com
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Wednesday, November 30
sucha
such a fruitful day.
im lazy to blog. thr's alot to say apparently but im just plain lazy. shall summarise.
thank God for evrything. im glad i made it through two years and am still standing. frankly speaking, how weak i am. all thanks to God i still stand. but why Lord, not them anymore? i dont question him anymore. i do have faith in my sister. she'll come through. im just so thankful. yes, i should not just be thr, and go higher. but i want to build up my base strong then i'll start thinking higher. im trying my best to be consistent and by faith, it will be done. and when the roots grow deep in, i'll grow higher. (lousy theory)
anyways. thank God for the people who stood with me in this journey and kept urging me to go on. thank God.
im lazy to blog. thr's alot to say apparently but im just plain lazy. shall summarise.
thank God for evrything. im glad i made it through two years and am still standing. frankly speaking, how weak i am. all thanks to God i still stand. but why Lord, not them anymore? i dont question him anymore. i do have faith in my sister. she'll come through. im just so thankful. yes, i should not just be thr, and go higher. but i want to build up my base strong then i'll start thinking higher. im trying my best to be consistent and by faith, it will be done. and when the roots grow deep in, i'll grow higher. (lousy theory)
anyways. thank God for the people who stood with me in this journey and kept urging me to go on. thank God.
Tuesday, November 29
woots.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
on this particular day two years ago, i was born again. cant exactly rmbr which verse.
im a big girl now!
time check; AM12:17. will update later in the day or sth when im not freezing like now. ive got so much to say to God. im so thankful tht im right here with Him till now. tht im able to celebrate. gosh gosh. whoa. its alot of things tht are crossing my mind now. arrange and update soon!
tatas.
on this particular day two years ago, i was born again. cant exactly rmbr which verse.
im a big girl now!
time check; AM12:17. will update later in the day or sth when im not freezing like now. ive got so much to say to God. im so thankful tht im right here with Him till now. tht im able to celebrate. gosh gosh. whoa. its alot of things tht are crossing my mind now. arrange and update soon!
tatas.
Sunday, November 27
goodbye
goodbye my skin):
i'll be changing my skin soon. have the new one out, but i couldnt bear to let this go. so im keeping it longer. my new skin's out. do check it up here . it aint anyone's blog. just whr i make use of to test my skins. do drop by a comment or something. i really want comments!
i'll be changing my skin soon. have the new one out, but i couldnt bear to let this go. so im keeping it longer. my new skin's out. do check it up here . it aint anyone's blog. just whr i make use of to test my skins. do drop by a comment or something. i really want comments!
Saturday, November 26
useless
im so useless.
urgh. i finally did the breakthrough book. and so i started praying and crying. yes yes. i felt so useless. seeing people around me suffer and im not trying my best. towards mabel, im especially sorry. there's really nothing to do? -sigh just so my heart ache. ive been sitting there watching all these while thinking of the negative sides of it and i havent done anything to help anyone. im sorry. im disappointed with myself, seriously. He must be too. and so something must be done! that concludes my promise to Him. use me. i offer my life(: the only thing that belongs to me is this life.
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. -philipians 2 : 13
urgh. i finally did the breakthrough book. and so i started praying and crying. yes yes. i felt so useless. seeing people around me suffer and im not trying my best. towards mabel, im especially sorry. there's really nothing to do? -sigh just so my heart ache. ive been sitting there watching all these while thinking of the negative sides of it and i havent done anything to help anyone. im sorry. im disappointed with myself, seriously. He must be too. and so something must be done! that concludes my promise to Him. use me. i offer my life(: the only thing that belongs to me is this life.
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. -philipians 2 : 13
Wednesday, November 23
oh oh.
thursday's 'rd th corner. ive got no guts to face it. urgh. perhaps i'll just freaked out on tht day and pretend tht i overslept.
nono. i want to do this dont i. thts more of a statement than a question.
wait for me girl;
thursday's 'rd th corner. ive got no guts to face it. urgh. perhaps i'll just freaked out on tht day and pretend tht i overslept.
nono. i want to do this dont i. thts more of a statement than a question.
wait for me girl;
Tuesday, November 22
i so so love my new shoe(:
wht a wonderful day at j8 ytd. im satisfied at least! campus superstar was lotsof fun. ohwells. they're real strict though. its real saddening! JY aint shuai in person! or least when he doesnt smile):
i want to get my haircut soon! urgh! im saving up to get a converse jacket for camp. so tht me and pearly can sit at the mama shop tghr in our jackets. i want it large! big oversized jacket! cant wait for camp. urgh.
in these 40 days i shall not be involved in unspiritual activities so im not doing tht survey!
wht a wonderful day at j8 ytd. im satisfied at least! campus superstar was lotsof fun. ohwells. they're real strict though. its real saddening! JY aint shuai in person! or least when he doesnt smile):
i want to get my haircut soon! urgh! im saving up to get a converse jacket for camp. so tht me and pearly can sit at the mama shop tghr in our jackets. i want it large! big oversized jacket! cant wait for camp. urgh.
in these 40 days i shall not be involved in unspiritual activities so im not doing tht survey!
Sunday, November 20
darn it.
darn it.
its all my fault. its all my fault. its all my fault.
gosh. i miss her so. but i dont kno wht to say to her. evrytime i say things in situations like this just always makes things worse. i dont know how to face her. i seem to be the cause of the problem. i dont want it this way. i would give anything to turn time back. way before all those happened. i love you sister, i really do. hate me if you must then i might feel better. i dont think i have to courage to go see her evn though i very much want to. i almost broke out in tears earlier on. if they had played tht particular song i would have. but yeah. uh hah.
-#-
WA LAO. yuqian sure has a way with making people laugh. goodness. was rather down just now till she started talking. tmr meeting pearly and hsiaoen at j8. haha. xiaoyuan superstar. eheh. dont get it wrong. we just want to join the crowd. anyways mingxin is taking part. ohwells. cant watch the myth. urgh. thr's no sound apparently. im so exhausted. i slept like 12 hrs and im still tired. guess its emotionally? doesnt feel tht way lur. whtevr. gotta rest well for tmr.
its all my fault. its all my fault. its all my fault.
gosh. i miss her so. but i dont kno wht to say to her. evrytime i say things in situations like this just always makes things worse. i dont know how to face her. i seem to be the cause of the problem. i dont want it this way. i would give anything to turn time back. way before all those happened. i love you sister, i really do. hate me if you must then i might feel better. i dont think i have to courage to go see her evn though i very much want to. i almost broke out in tears earlier on. if they had played tht particular song i would have. but yeah. uh hah.
-#-
WA LAO. yuqian sure has a way with making people laugh. goodness. was rather down just now till she started talking. tmr meeting pearly and hsiaoen at j8. haha. xiaoyuan superstar. eheh. dont get it wrong. we just want to join the crowd. anyways mingxin is taking part. ohwells. cant watch the myth. urgh. thr's no sound apparently. im so exhausted. i slept like 12 hrs and im still tired. guess its emotionally? doesnt feel tht way lur. whtevr. gotta rest well for tmr.
Thursday, November 17
people
its all about people(:
hey gal, perhaps you dont kno abt this but i simply love reading your posts. just scrolling to your blog just seems so routined to me. im so amazed by all those thoughts you have packed in your head. didnt kno you linked my new blog, i didnt tell you. thts just so sweet! haha. i appreciate the tags you leave when you drop by. now i just kinda regret. wht have i been doing these past two years? reading your posts just made you feel so familiar, but we hardly talked! thts so amazing. just keep those posts going okaye. i guess i would feel real odd one day if i find your blog missing. you're just uber sweet(:
-#-
im gonna miss you when you go. you've given me so much support esp spiritually. at times when i bottle things up you're just there to dig it out. im just awed ny how much you kno about me. im just sorry for putting in tht equal effort to pry into you. i wonder wht would happen to me when you leave us. i dont dare to think tht far seriously. you mean tht much to me.
-#-
i dont always feel it but you're always thr silently. you're different from the one above. evrytime when im in despair you're thr to kno it first hand. i kno you would be reading this. I LOVE YOU! haha. you're always thr, and when you're not the one above would be. haha. to be honest, i feel sorry. i didnt put in equal effort to care about you the same way you did to me. but im trying hard now!
-#-
you, you, you! simply evrything sweet thrown together. just how much did you love me? the way you cared is so impactful. i feel it. genuine love from a sister. really as a sister. others love from obligation( or so i feel) but wht i felt from you is not. evry dumb joke you come up with and you laughing at it yourself at the end. th nights at east coast when we just sang away together and th night cycling. gosh sister, i love you too. please come back. it might have been me who drove you away, please sister, how much we miss you now!
-#-
oi oi oi! haha. my favourite tablemate! your retardness and maple obession is just so cute lur! haha. keep on being this sweet in your new class next year. oh boy would i miss someone to fight with and eat snacks with in class. and also cheating during ting xie. haha. and also those practical lessons. esp the toilet trips to escape mr so's practical! haha. yep you're thr when people need you. evry whr. even in aquila o.0 tho you're foreva late! yep! TARDY QUEEN!
-guess which is you!
hey gal, perhaps you dont kno abt this but i simply love reading your posts. just scrolling to your blog just seems so routined to me. im so amazed by all those thoughts you have packed in your head. didnt kno you linked my new blog, i didnt tell you. thts just so sweet! haha. i appreciate the tags you leave when you drop by. now i just kinda regret. wht have i been doing these past two years? reading your posts just made you feel so familiar, but we hardly talked! thts so amazing. just keep those posts going okaye. i guess i would feel real odd one day if i find your blog missing. you're just uber sweet(:
-#-
im gonna miss you when you go. you've given me so much support esp spiritually. at times when i bottle things up you're just there to dig it out. im just awed ny how much you kno about me. im just sorry for putting in tht equal effort to pry into you. i wonder wht would happen to me when you leave us. i dont dare to think tht far seriously. you mean tht much to me.
-#-
i dont always feel it but you're always thr silently. you're different from the one above. evrytime when im in despair you're thr to kno it first hand. i kno you would be reading this. I LOVE YOU! haha. you're always thr, and when you're not the one above would be. haha. to be honest, i feel sorry. i didnt put in equal effort to care about you the same way you did to me. but im trying hard now!
-#-
you, you, you! simply evrything sweet thrown together. just how much did you love me? the way you cared is so impactful. i feel it. genuine love from a sister. really as a sister. others love from obligation( or so i feel) but wht i felt from you is not. evry dumb joke you come up with and you laughing at it yourself at the end. th nights at east coast when we just sang away together and th night cycling. gosh sister, i love you too. please come back. it might have been me who drove you away, please sister, how much we miss you now!
-#-
oi oi oi! haha. my favourite tablemate! your retardness and maple obession is just so cute lur! haha. keep on being this sweet in your new class next year. oh boy would i miss someone to fight with and eat snacks with in class. and also cheating during ting xie. haha. and also those practical lessons. esp the toilet trips to escape mr so's practical! haha. yep you're thr when people need you. evry whr. even in aquila o.0 tho you're foreva late! yep! TARDY QUEEN!
-guess which is you!
Wednesday, November 16
i miss it
i miss it
i rmb how much effort i would throw in to see people come to kno God. even after countless rejections i just kept asking. how i would cry over evry soul tht needs help but shut us out. how i loved to see people convert evry week. how excited i would get over visitors.
as the weeks grew long and days grew dry. sumhow it didnt matter to me anymore. i saw no value in putting in effort to invite people any more. for evryone hu converted; good for them. and evry visitor i dont feel anything. i didnt realise tht this was part of my life as a christian. indeed, i've lost th center focus of my christian life- people. yes, jesus is all about people. isnt it in the same way so for us?
i came to realise tht He had been trying to tell me tht. i've been selfish. i ran away frm people, i start picking at their faults. in th end i realise im the one with the most shortcomings. but because of His love i can be accepted as i am. why cant i do th same? YES. i want to love people all over again. im gonna look forward to threegrace. its abt the people, not the class. i will love my class. its not hard [:
i miss you mabel. i miss tht laughter of yours and evry single act. was it my fault? i come to think. perhaps it was. do come back;
i rmb how much effort i would throw in to see people come to kno God. even after countless rejections i just kept asking. how i would cry over evry soul tht needs help but shut us out. how i loved to see people convert evry week. how excited i would get over visitors.
as the weeks grew long and days grew dry. sumhow it didnt matter to me anymore. i saw no value in putting in effort to invite people any more. for evryone hu converted; good for them. and evry visitor i dont feel anything. i didnt realise tht this was part of my life as a christian. indeed, i've lost th center focus of my christian life- people. yes, jesus is all about people. isnt it in the same way so for us?
i came to realise tht He had been trying to tell me tht. i've been selfish. i ran away frm people, i start picking at their faults. in th end i realise im the one with the most shortcomings. but because of His love i can be accepted as i am. why cant i do th same? YES. i want to love people all over again. im gonna look forward to threegrace. its abt the people, not the class. i will love my class. its not hard [:
i miss you mabel. i miss tht laughter of yours and evry single act. was it my fault? i come to think. perhaps it was. do come back;
Sunday, November 13
3gr
3gr.
3GR.
THREEGRACE!
dumb lah-.-
i forsee th class to be horrendous and yes, i've decided i dont want to socialise with th people tht i dont kno yet. yep. WALLPAPER. oh man. good thing th dancers are mostly here. i will live in th shadows of other people for two whole years. i've made up my mind. -rubbish
just like heaven is sweet(:
my chinese book review is still half done and i totally have no will to touch it.
been missing mabel since last week. oh man. how long have i not seen her? i really miss her lah. this skin is going. i'll make a new one. yep when i have time and th mood too. -whacks myself- noway. this ugly skin will have to go! feeling kinda happy now. i dont have to sneak off to service for this period of time at least. i did something on monday. yep so now evrytime i need money, i'll be reminded of th covenant with Him! thts sweet. i never want to stray from this love again.
ohwells. im learning to be optimistic of my class. i want to love it th way i once used to love 2gr. i still have tht appeal form. never filled it anyway its way too late now. hwevr, still keeping those sweet girls in my prayer. yep. I'LL LOVE MY CLASS.
3GR.
THREEGRACE!
dumb lah-.-
i forsee th class to be horrendous and yes, i've decided i dont want to socialise with th people tht i dont kno yet. yep. WALLPAPER. oh man. good thing th dancers are mostly here. i will live in th shadows of other people for two whole years. i've made up my mind. -rubbish
just like heaven is sweet(:
my chinese book review is still half done and i totally have no will to touch it.
been missing mabel since last week. oh man. how long have i not seen her? i really miss her lah. this skin is going. i'll make a new one. yep when i have time and th mood too. -whacks myself- noway. this ugly skin will have to go! feeling kinda happy now. i dont have to sneak off to service for this period of time at least. i did something on monday. yep so now evrytime i need money, i'll be reminded of th covenant with Him! thts sweet. i never want to stray from this love again.
ohwells. im learning to be optimistic of my class. i want to love it th way i once used to love 2gr. i still have tht appeal form. never filled it anyway its way too late now. hwevr, still keeping those sweet girls in my prayer. yep. I'LL LOVE MY CLASS.
Wednesday, November 2
split second
tsk tsk tsk.
why th hurry to acknowledge. no one said it was yu hur. AND IT IS NOT YU.
ytd was my 23rd mnth old! ahahs. sermon was great. hmm. yep. pray girl, pray. uh huh. had duty agn today. but apparently th security are all unreliable! its as tho they clean forgot about duty. ok they did.
-looks out th window- its rain'g agn. hahas. on days like ths i feel th most like cry'g. why? no idea. it seems as tho th sky is cry'g. cry'g over th misfortunes in th planet. over evry soul tht longs for help. ovr evry body tht wants their soul back. ovr evry mind tht no longer wants th corrupt thoughts but just cant seem to break free. ovr evry heart tht longs for an awakening. ovr evry tear tht has been shed. ovr evry life tht has given up hope. ovr evry hand tht has been stained. ovr evry individual who have been wronged. ovr evry breath tht had been taken away. yet, it does nothing. yet all it can do is weep for th pathetic lives on th face of ths earth. its tht hopelessness tht made it tear. still, it cant do anything to help. its reaching out, just grab its hand. th planet just goes drifting off, further and further away. for evry split second when yu're on th verge of tears, look for tht glimmer of hope. scold urself; dont cry.
why th hurry to acknowledge. no one said it was yu hur. AND IT IS NOT YU.
ytd was my 23rd mnth old! ahahs. sermon was great. hmm. yep. pray girl, pray. uh huh. had duty agn today. but apparently th security are all unreliable! its as tho they clean forgot about duty. ok they did.
-looks out th window- its rain'g agn. hahas. on days like ths i feel th most like cry'g. why? no idea. it seems as tho th sky is cry'g. cry'g over th misfortunes in th planet. over evry soul tht longs for help. ovr evry body tht wants their soul back. ovr evry mind tht no longer wants th corrupt thoughts but just cant seem to break free. ovr evry heart tht longs for an awakening. ovr evry tear tht has been shed. ovr evry life tht has given up hope. ovr evry hand tht has been stained. ovr evry individual who have been wronged. ovr evry breath tht had been taken away. yet, it does nothing. yet all it can do is weep for th pathetic lives on th face of ths earth. its tht hopelessness tht made it tear. still, it cant do anything to help. its reaching out, just grab its hand. th planet just goes drifting off, further and further away. for evry split second when yu're on th verge of tears, look for tht glimmer of hope. scold urself; dont cry.