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Fondants C
Otherwise, Vanessa.
18, and learning to be it
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Saturday, April 30
congrats
congratulations to miie. (:
a gold. a gold for our recognition. 28 April. the day that marked it all. then end to the hardships. the day when we gave it all.
we met early in the morn to go down to meet the others. we went up to announce it. all of us. all eighteen. the guitar spirit. we shouted the gold out loud. went back to class and we confronted them. those who doubted. we thanked those who believed. the day went well. at the "Party", they introduced every group properly. and us? just sup sup sui intro with the guzheng. wad the.. we already planned to shout guitar rocks. dhen they do this. its just lyk saying: and there are those two groups sitting behind there. They didnt even give us a proper intro. with the guzheng.that's was really an insult. we were super piissed off. we were tokking about it thruout the reception. a bit saddening. to have worked so hard. not for the gold. but for our recognition the kind of recognition we will neva eva get from these idiots in school. the dance were there. tokked abit dhen was pissed so think i said something quite un nice. i told them i have nuthin to do with them i am here with the guitar. why should i care about the dance when they dun even care about us? i mean i am at the reception is becos of my hardwork and not becos of dance de main zi or wad lorhh. those who went there to steal food was ... i mean we worked for it. we deserved it. u dont.
decided to have a small celebration to mark the day. we were screaming we got gold at the parade square and oso guitar got gold very loudly. nobody was there to hear it. took neos with them stroll around bugis. dhen came home. i am tired. i am going to sleep.
a gold. a gold for our recognition. 28 April. the day that marked it all. then end to the hardships. the day when we gave it all.
we met early in the morn to go down to meet the others. we went up to announce it. all of us. all eighteen. the guitar spirit. we shouted the gold out loud. went back to class and we confronted them. those who doubted. we thanked those who believed. the day went well. at the "Party", they introduced every group properly. and us? just sup sup sui intro with the guzheng. wad the.. we already planned to shout guitar rocks. dhen they do this. its just lyk saying: and there are those two groups sitting behind there. They didnt even give us a proper intro. with the guzheng.that's was really an insult. we were super piissed off. we were tokking about it thruout the reception. a bit saddening. to have worked so hard. not for the gold. but for our recognition the kind of recognition we will neva eva get from these idiots in school. the dance were there. tokked abit dhen was pissed so think i said something quite un nice. i told them i have nuthin to do with them i am here with the guitar. why should i care about the dance when they dun even care about us? i mean i am at the reception is becos of my hardwork and not becos of dance de main zi or wad lorhh. those who went there to steal food was ... i mean we worked for it. we deserved it. u dont.
decided to have a small celebration to mark the day. we were screaming we got gold at the parade square and oso guitar got gold very loudly. nobody was there to hear it. took neos with them stroll around bugis. dhen came home. i am tired. i am going to sleep.
Friday, April 29
all my regrets all my acclaims the joy and the pain i'm making them euurs
The effort the time the money the hardwork. we have come a long way. the laughters the tears the lameness. the things we have gone thru together. the mockings the encouragement the ignorant. thats what we've gotten from others. eyes that looked down, voices of sacrasm. and those hu didnt even knew we existed. the uncooperative the ponings the laziness. those were the problems. the aches the physical breakdown the stress. our personal struggles. the disappointment the fear the sadness. not being recognised by the school and the lack of equipments. the heart the mind the soul. all were here, none at schoolwork. the nervousness the butterflies the emptiness. feelings at the competition. the prayers the believers the non-believers. God at work. The love the passion the spirit. Thats our guitar club.
eighteen. the eighteen of us. the smallest group. first time participating. established less than a year ago. the energy the tightness the lively. put together by fate. the ribbon that marks this day as our anniversary. my acclaims, my regrets my joy my pain. i'm giving them to god. he deserves it. judging by effort not by sound.
small but loud.
The effort the time the money the hardwork. we have come a long way. the laughters the tears the lameness. the things we have gone thru together. the mockings the encouragement the ignorant. thats what we've gotten from others. eyes that looked down, voices of sacrasm. and those hu didnt even knew we existed. the uncooperative the ponings the laziness. those were the problems. the aches the physical breakdown the stress. our personal struggles. the disappointment the fear the sadness. not being recognised by the school and the lack of equipments. the heart the mind the soul. all were here, none at schoolwork. the nervousness the butterflies the emptiness. feelings at the competition. the prayers the believers the non-believers. God at work. The love the passion the spirit. Thats our guitar club.
eighteen. the eighteen of us. the smallest group. first time participating. established less than a year ago. the energy the tightness the lively. put together by fate. the ribbon that marks this day as our anniversary. my acclaims, my regrets my joy my pain. i'm giving them to god. he deserves it. judging by effort not by sound.
small but loud.
Wednesday, April 27
lets begin the countdown
lets begin the countdown. 2 more days to SYF!!! whee.
we're all gonna practise real hard. silver is a must. gold is prefered. okiie. we all want gold. but weare really a small group and not long ago cheng li. hoping for the best now. had full dress rehearsal. i realised that the shirt WAITENG lent me was a GUY"S shirt. ei, thanks ah. so it was super oversized. in the end others had to tuck in shirt cos of me. paiseh.
i am beginig to catch more and more of science. somehow, i have been paying attention in class today. i really scared. my maths cannot sia. chinese hopefully will be good bah. i am really scared. i must jiayous dhen. everyone, lets try together.
i noe i am physically tired. i am spiritually and emotionally awake. yeahs! feeling less down and stressed over SYF. for no reason wadeva.
we're all gonna practise real hard. silver is a must. gold is prefered. okiie. we all want gold. but weare really a small group and not long ago cheng li. hoping for the best now. had full dress rehearsal. i realised that the shirt WAITENG lent me was a GUY"S shirt. ei, thanks ah. so it was super oversized. in the end others had to tuck in shirt cos of me. paiseh.
i am beginig to catch more and more of science. somehow, i have been paying attention in class today. i really scared. my maths cannot sia. chinese hopefully will be good bah. i am really scared. i must jiayous dhen. everyone, lets try together.
i noe i am physically tired. i am spiritually and emotionally awake. yeahs! feeling less down and stressed over SYF. for no reason wadeva.
Saturday, April 23
ohmygod
oh man.
hate this sia. guitar was a total disater. so was school. i hate euu man. i mean euu all.
guitar was bad. the playing was good. but dhey made ailin cry. samantha oso cry. their attitude towards guitar suckks. our section is considered the weakest bah. we noe that and we keep practising and even went to the extent of synchronising everyone. we were so darn pissed at the others. they dhun wanna cooperate. furst tym see ailin so frustrated.
furst esther ping lynn and chloe were late. i was on tym but dhey were all there le, so i was considered late. dhen ailin was so angry that she went down to "qing" ta men shang lai. dhen they dhun wanna move when they are supposed to. euu think we lyk to move oso meh? the back row was moving. the front row only ailin, renjie, benjamin?? ho in moving larhh. okae fine, so we make space for them to move their butts. dhey still dhun move. after ailin say very long dhen two ppl started moving and one more obviously? the rest still didn't and they totally dhun give a damn about wad ailin said. okae nevamind. dhen they practise other songs. its lyk this short tym that we have here is to practise for syf okiie? dhen its lyk six days away only? whuai caarn u just put it aside?
dhen came to quien sera. there's this part where we were supposed to shout. only our section shouting larh. its lyk dumb. ailin scold they dhun care. so she decided dhat our section shall not shout, and it was obvious. only moon and amanda and base the guy shouting larhh. euu. euu still dare to tell me in my face that euu got shout. still dare say me wad?? euu didnt even bother to open that mouth lorhh. the gerr sitting next to euu oso lorhh. still give those kind of i am innocent face. very qian bian lorhhx. those caan shout dhun wanna shout. its not about pai seh anymore. we are an ENSEMBLE. everyone is together. its the same as only one section play.
miss yew came dhen ailin cried. so did samantha. i noe they hold back very long le lorh. its lyk we put in a lot of effort but they dhun give a damn dhen its lyk so wasted. i held back. i am not gonna cry. dhen we played the thing when miis yew was tokking to ailin dhen i was so frustrated dhat when renjie started swaying, i said" stop moving larhh. they oso not moving, wads the pointt?" okae that was lyk attitude. so fine but its true. everyone dhun move larhh dhen we will be neat and lifeless. dhen when missyew came to listen euu can see dhay all put on show for her to see. for wad? u open that damn mouth but no shit comes out. its obvious lorhh. neva shout still dhun wanna cheng ren. jia zhuang move move. sick. and i move she didnt see and sort of framed. most lykly gonna kick sumone oud le.
very bad horr. but she whole day pon. till now still caarn play one singlre song properly.
saii.
hate this sia. guitar was a total disater. so was school. i hate euu man. i mean euu all.
guitar was bad. the playing was good. but dhey made ailin cry. samantha oso cry. their attitude towards guitar suckks. our section is considered the weakest bah. we noe that and we keep practising and even went to the extent of synchronising everyone. we were so darn pissed at the others. they dhun wanna cooperate. furst tym see ailin so frustrated.
furst esther ping lynn and chloe were late. i was on tym but dhey were all there le, so i was considered late. dhen ailin was so angry that she went down to "qing" ta men shang lai. dhen they dhun wanna move when they are supposed to. euu think we lyk to move oso meh? the back row was moving. the front row only ailin, renjie, benjamin?? ho in moving larhh. okae fine, so we make space for them to move their butts. dhey still dhun move. after ailin say very long dhen two ppl started moving and one more obviously? the rest still didn't and they totally dhun give a damn about wad ailin said. okae nevamind. dhen they practise other songs. its lyk this short tym that we have here is to practise for syf okiie? dhen its lyk six days away only? whuai caarn u just put it aside?
dhen came to quien sera. there's this part where we were supposed to shout. only our section shouting larh. its lyk dumb. ailin scold they dhun care. so she decided dhat our section shall not shout, and it was obvious. only moon and amanda and base the guy shouting larhh. euu. euu still dare to tell me in my face that euu got shout. still dare say me wad?? euu didnt even bother to open that mouth lorhh. the gerr sitting next to euu oso lorhh. still give those kind of i am innocent face. very qian bian lorhhx. those caan shout dhun wanna shout. its not about pai seh anymore. we are an ENSEMBLE. everyone is together. its the same as only one section play.
miss yew came dhen ailin cried. so did samantha. i noe they hold back very long le lorh. its lyk we put in a lot of effort but they dhun give a damn dhen its lyk so wasted. i held back. i am not gonna cry. dhen we played the thing when miis yew was tokking to ailin dhen i was so frustrated dhat when renjie started swaying, i said" stop moving larhh. they oso not moving, wads the pointt?" okae that was lyk attitude. so fine but its true. everyone dhun move larhh dhen we will be neat and lifeless. dhen when missyew came to listen euu can see dhay all put on show for her to see. for wad? u open that damn mouth but no shit comes out. its obvious lorhh. neva shout still dhun wanna cheng ren. jia zhuang move move. sick. and i move she didnt see and sort of framed. most lykly gonna kick sumone oud le.
very bad horr. but she whole day pon. till now still caarn play one singlre song properly.
saii.
Monday, April 18
oh whee
oh whee.
changed my skin. liike the desiign budd not the way my posts appear. i hafta go buy many things now. yay! shopping spree. betta do it soon or hafta wait till after exams. so sick of my wadrobe.
ushering rockks. i wanna joiin. but dhat tym sumone told me dhat only sec three and above can join. crapp. had a great tym yesterday. i feel less stressed lerh. really gotta start studying now. i am so obviously failing. sai. everyone start pia-ing lerhs. i betta start soon too. =x. guitar syf faster cum! its exactly one week before exams. how on earth am i to study? hmm. forgetit.
i am looking for sumone to go shoppiing with miie.
changed my skin. liike the desiign budd not the way my posts appear. i hafta go buy many things now. yay! shopping spree. betta do it soon or hafta wait till after exams. so sick of my wadrobe.
ushering rockks. i wanna joiin. but dhat tym sumone told me dhat only sec three and above can join. crapp. had a great tym yesterday. i feel less stressed lerh. really gotta start studying now. i am so obviously failing. sai. everyone start pia-ing lerhs. i betta start soon too. =x. guitar syf faster cum! its exactly one week before exams. how on earth am i to study? hmm. forgetit.
i am looking for sumone to go shoppiing with miie.
Saturday, April 16
i dunfeel lyk blogging
i dun feel lyk blogging.
hmm. i realise dhat everytym i feel lyk dhis, there's something wrong.
guitar has been going fine. but our standard varies. AND i am so NOT excused from dance. sick. i seriously dun lyk the people. not everyone okie. just quite a handful. okie. guiitarr rawkks. but i am damn tired larhh. whuaii caarn i be excused?! really canot tahan le.
the dates crash. obiviously i wanna go for guitar but i have to go for dance which is TOTALLY pointless. i am really damn tired but no one understands. stop adding anything thing on is gud enuf for me. PLEASE LEVAE ME ALONE.
i have to carry my guitar to sch and back almost every other day. its not THAAT light okae. its not that i have the comfort of coming to sch in a luxurious car or anething. its not qing song either lorhh. we sit there for hours till our legs get NUMB. our fingers hurt. u caan go try it yourself it really hurts although theres already a layer of hard skin. i keep getting dizzy when i FINALLY stand up. then still HAVE toi carry that damn thing home. train up my arms and leg muscles. go home still must kan ren lian se. chey. clogged with project and that stupid idiotic sickening mao qiang.
i am flunking my tests, not doing my work and sleeping in class. i am really tired. i dun wan go for cg and all those. anyway they alwaes say but in the end dun do. dhen even better dun tell me. it makes me feel lyk an idiot. i hate days with two ccas. i carry the guitarAND dance stuff to go see a bunch of idiots in the grand audi. and that pig. wads her prob. whole day pms.
i really dhun get the crap the tch's saying. i caarn concentrate. every day i look teary and sickly. i tired till my eyes are protesting. i losing my voice le lorh. my mum still FORCE me go. HELLO. i really am sick. my old injuries are back to haunt me. my legs canot take it le. always threaten to give way. i almost fell alot of tyms with my guitar. sometyms pain untill i caarn walk properly till i wana squat down and cry. dance is only making it worse.
shackked.
hmm. i realise dhat everytym i feel lyk dhis, there's something wrong.
guitar has been going fine. but our standard varies. AND i am so NOT excused from dance. sick. i seriously dun lyk the people. not everyone okie. just quite a handful. okie. guiitarr rawkks. but i am damn tired larhh. whuaii caarn i be excused?! really canot tahan le.
the dates crash. obiviously i wanna go for guitar but i have to go for dance which is TOTALLY pointless. i am really damn tired but no one understands. stop adding anything thing on is gud enuf for me. PLEASE LEVAE ME ALONE.
i have to carry my guitar to sch and back almost every other day. its not THAAT light okae. its not that i have the comfort of coming to sch in a luxurious car or anething. its not qing song either lorhh. we sit there for hours till our legs get NUMB. our fingers hurt. u caan go try it yourself it really hurts although theres already a layer of hard skin. i keep getting dizzy when i FINALLY stand up. then still HAVE toi carry that damn thing home. train up my arms and leg muscles. go home still must kan ren lian se. chey. clogged with project and that stupid idiotic sickening mao qiang.
i am flunking my tests, not doing my work and sleeping in class. i am really tired. i dun wan go for cg and all those. anyway they alwaes say but in the end dun do. dhen even better dun tell me. it makes me feel lyk an idiot. i hate days with two ccas. i carry the guitarAND dance stuff to go see a bunch of idiots in the grand audi. and that pig. wads her prob. whole day pms.
i really dhun get the crap the tch's saying. i caarn concentrate. every day i look teary and sickly. i tired till my eyes are protesting. i losing my voice le lorh. my mum still FORCE me go. HELLO. i really am sick. my old injuries are back to haunt me. my legs canot take it le. always threaten to give way. i almost fell alot of tyms with my guitar. sometyms pain untill i caarn walk properly till i wana squat down and cry. dance is only making it worse.
shackked.
Tuesday, April 12
iintensive training
oh whee. gonna have intensive guitar training for the coming weeks.
its gonna be cool. and so excited. i think i will have to pon dance for guitar. got syf mah. more impt sia. so high now. whee.
today two boys got caught for playing fire. its caning. *shivers. mr soon hit the CARDBOARD once and it broke. can u imagine. the BUTT will bleed. scary sia. wad kind of parents actually ALLOW their children to be whacked in public. in the end he didint hit him in public but i guess he still caned him.
will be busy to blog this week.hmm. well, nevamind
its gonna be cool. and so excited. i think i will have to pon dance for guitar. got syf mah. more impt sia. so high now. whee.
today two boys got caught for playing fire. its caning. *shivers. mr soon hit the CARDBOARD once and it broke. can u imagine. the BUTT will bleed. scary sia. wad kind of parents actually ALLOW their children to be whacked in public. in the end he didint hit him in public but i guess he still caned him.
will be busy to blog this week.hmm. well, nevamind
Tuesday, April 5
crapp
crapp.
crapped so much on yesterdays post. i dun mean it okie. its really okie just that yesterday was kinda pissed. so dhun take it seriously. for some i really meant it. okie stupid me larhh. i very easy affected by ppl de larhh. i am fine now okie.
talked to mabel just now. might be transfering soon. think she would fit in nicely bah.not too sure. she have conference first. haha. lame conference lyk so serious lyk dat. okie larh its quite serious. its okiie mabel, i caan take good care of eu yeas? muhahahahaha.
got to go do something to my project now. people, i really love eu guys okiie. dhun take yesterday seriously.
crapped so much on yesterdays post. i dun mean it okie. its really okie just that yesterday was kinda pissed. so dhun take it seriously. for some i really meant it. okie stupid me larhh. i very easy affected by ppl de larhh. i am fine now okie.
talked to mabel just now. might be transfering soon. think she would fit in nicely bah.not too sure. she have conference first. haha. lame conference lyk so serious lyk dat. okie larh its quite serious. its okiie mabel, i caan take good care of eu yeas? muhahahahaha.
got to go do something to my project now. people, i really love eu guys okiie. dhun take yesterday seriously.
Monday, April 4
confused
i am kinda lost and confused now.
was tokking to esther yesterday. she brought me to notice alot of things. baadd things. about people around me. i feel safe tokking to her and more open. guess its becos we were very very good frens before so she understands.
********, hmms. eu in skool and at church is lyk so different. did u noe dhat eur juniours dhun lyk eu at all. eu show favourism. actually eu show favourism all the tym. eu and eur beh song face. so dao and unfriendly, yet so act cute and act chio. its so baadd for me to be saying all these and i noe i shudn't. but i dhun wanna keep telling myself or to others dhat "she is nice.." deep down i noe i dun really lykk eu but just becos we are in the same caregroup and stuff. i noe eu try to get along with me. i noe eu dhun really lyk me either.
as for ******, i noe u totally dun lyk me larhh. but wth. since i furst knew eu until now, u are lyk such a changed person. seriously, i really hate the eu now. eu only wanna mix with people eu wanna mix with. the point of u going ******* is to mix around with the guys and her. dhat is soo wrongg larhh. now eu totally dhun give a damn about the people eu were once close frens with. wads eur prob lorhh. say hiie will die meh. lykk we eur frens very diu lian lykdat lorhh.
*****, i really respect eu alot. i noe eu love me alot. but eu tend to get very fierce. sometyms very you ya po gan. caan eu just take things easy. sometyms eu expect alot out from me and i end up stressing myself. sometyms eu dhun seem to care about me. i noe eu have to take more care of them but hello! that doesn mean that u dun have to care so much about me rite? my spiritual life bu jian de bi THEM hao duo shao okae.
*******. eu. yes eu. dhat stpid bit*h brainwashed eu. okae so i am the bad person. wadeva. its not the furst tym any more. i am seriously getting so darn sick of this.aneway u dhun care about things in church, so i dun have to care about eu. btw, eur attitude towards service suckks. i noe eu are getting to dislykk me alot now. thanks to that stupid bit*h.
finally, KWAN HUIYI. yes that bit*h. i caarn even be bothered about eu. i am not avoiding eu. eu are running away from me. stop acting kelian arhh. caarn stand eur sickening face.
wah seh so many people. still got more but dun wanna elaborate. a waste of tym larhh. so kwan huiyi pls feel hounoured larhh. lyk i very bad lyk dhat horr. okie larhh. fa xie yi xia onlie. hu cares aneway. dhey dhun lyk me and i noe it. so wad if i am serving god with most of eu but who noes, eu might not be there in five years? some maybe end of this year. or maybe, i wun be here anemore? maybe having esther back as a fren is not such a good thing. i might loose so much more. does not apply to hui yi.
haiish.
was tokking to esther yesterday. she brought me to notice alot of things. baadd things. about people around me. i feel safe tokking to her and more open. guess its becos we were very very good frens before so she understands.
********, hmms. eu in skool and at church is lyk so different. did u noe dhat eur juniours dhun lyk eu at all. eu show favourism. actually eu show favourism all the tym. eu and eur beh song face. so dao and unfriendly, yet so act cute and act chio. its so baadd for me to be saying all these and i noe i shudn't. but i dhun wanna keep telling myself or to others dhat "she is nice.." deep down i noe i dun really lykk eu but just becos we are in the same caregroup and stuff. i noe eu try to get along with me. i noe eu dhun really lyk me either.
as for ******, i noe u totally dun lyk me larhh. but wth. since i furst knew eu until now, u are lyk such a changed person. seriously, i really hate the eu now. eu only wanna mix with people eu wanna mix with. the point of u going ******* is to mix around with the guys and her. dhat is soo wrongg larhh. now eu totally dhun give a damn about the people eu were once close frens with. wads eur prob lorhh. say hiie will die meh. lykk we eur frens very diu lian lykdat lorhh.
*****, i really respect eu alot. i noe eu love me alot. but eu tend to get very fierce. sometyms very you ya po gan. caan eu just take things easy. sometyms eu expect alot out from me and i end up stressing myself. sometyms eu dhun seem to care about me. i noe eu have to take more care of them but hello! that doesn mean that u dun have to care so much about me rite? my spiritual life bu jian de bi THEM hao duo shao okae.
*******. eu. yes eu. dhat stpid bit*h brainwashed eu. okae so i am the bad person. wadeva. its not the furst tym any more. i am seriously getting so darn sick of this.aneway u dhun care about things in church, so i dun have to care about eu. btw, eur attitude towards service suckks. i noe eu are getting to dislykk me alot now. thanks to that stupid bit*h.
finally, KWAN HUIYI. yes that bit*h. i caarn even be bothered about eu. i am not avoiding eu. eu are running away from me. stop acting kelian arhh. caarn stand eur sickening face.
wah seh so many people. still got more but dun wanna elaborate. a waste of tym larhh. so kwan huiyi pls feel hounoured larhh. lyk i very bad lyk dhat horr. okie larhh. fa xie yi xia onlie. hu cares aneway. dhey dhun lyk me and i noe it. so wad if i am serving god with most of eu but who noes, eu might not be there in five years? some maybe end of this year. or maybe, i wun be here anemore? maybe having esther back as a fren is not such a good thing. i might loose so much more. does not apply to hui yi.
haiish.