There's a reason why people don't stay who they are

Saturday, November 21

I Guess Its An Exam Thing

I realise I cry whenever there's an exam... (?)

Wait, do I?

At least for prelims and now. Just suddenly had this overwhelming sense of grief.

Was kinda reminded of how much my Dad didn't turn out as much as half of what I'd like him to be. Kinda said to myself, Yeah, I still want a Dad like that.

And I realised how I shouldn't be thinking that way. How some people would give up everything to have dinner with their fathers again and my Dad is at most a phone call away.

And I remember all the other things I have to make up for it.

For that, I shall try to go make peace with my mum.
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On a lighter note!

I think sometimes I am the luckiest person alive! Must have done something right somewhere in my life. Or maybe... I believe it is.

The other day, the other rainy day, the other day when it was pouring on Econs day.
I had my brolly, but the rain out there, not even a beach umbrella could save me from getting wet. As I was fretting over how to get myself from the bus stop to school in one safe, dry piece, there was this TJ girl at the bus stop beckoning me to get off. Then she told me her Dad was coming to drive her into school from the bus stop and she could give me a ride!

It was really a Thank God moment.

Firstly, I was praying for the rain to subside on the bus so that I could at least walk into school or for some other way to get there. I was planning to get a cab but in that rain, it sure wouldn't be easy.

I was also hoping I could meet some one familiar so I wouldn't be so lost and alone.

And well, you understand why its such a Thank God moment.

Haha, and I kinda realise I always meet people who offer to share there umbrellas with me...

Really lucky...

But still kinda sick now, throat and flu stuff, from sitting in the exam hall quite wet and shivering! Thank God, it would have been worse otherwise right!

Ok la, fine, if you were a non-believer, I may have irritated you. But since I got no other opportunity to share my testimonial... need to do it here.

Hahaha, just feel really happy and thankful that after all these, God still tells me that he is there for me. Hmm, I need to be a better christian.....

Wednesday, November 18

And I Thought I Found It....

I tried my best for you.

Didn't dare to feel even one bit of confidence. Didn't dare to bet on anything.

Just as I decided, I want to continue with this, to further this, you dropped a bomb on me.

So much eagerness and hopefulness I had about what we could have in future.

Part of me died today when I flipped the paper over.

Part of me that died will never come alive again.

It was true when I said that I love you. It really was.

Why?

How could you do this to me?

You crushed me completely today.

Flat.

To econs, good bye.

P.S If you're wondering why I'm making such a big fuss out of this, is because I just decided yesterday that I wanted to do Econs in future, chose it over chem. And now, econs was horrible and chem didn't go as well as I would have liked it to.

Monday, October 26

Would You Believe Me If I Said I Am Going Cry?

A ball of emotions now.

Rolling rolling rolling....

"I expect you to get A."

Well, I thank you for believing in me. But right now, I don't need you to believe in me, I need you to help me. Please? Please.

I am sorry if I hurt you. But until I can deal with my raging mind. I don't think I can talk to you without hurting you more. Trust me, it is killing me too.

With all due respect, I don't think I even want to keep you as a friend even at a distance. Stop pretending like it matters. Just stop.

My head hurts.

I want to cry from all the things I have yet to do. Stuffing my face with junk.
Can I just do this please? The last time. For All That's Worth.

Friday, October 23

MAJOR POUT ):

I am in a horrendously bad mood.

Annoyed by every single little thing.

I am so tired, I want to sleep but I haven't finished things I have to do.

"Are you always this deh?"

Just found out something that broke my heart a little alot.

SO SCARED. CAN GET A OR NOT?

Please? Please?

Teacher, can you help me?

Can you help yourself?

Go shrivel in one corner please.

I don't need to maintain my already crumbling social network.

Who cares anyway, I should concentrate on studying.

STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PRELIM RESULTS AND START WORKING!

Need to stop being mean and end up slapping myself.

K bye.

Thursday, October 15

I NEED TO STOP SLAPPING MYSELF

Let me be happy for awhile (:

Sunday, October 11

People Like That Will Also Appear

Highlander on National Day.

Now back to studying.!

I'm ... suddenly doused.

Friday, September 25

I Am Going To Need A Divine Intervention

(Miss You Really Much)

With math, chem and my favourite kid gone.

):

Sunday, September 20

The only thing keeping me from jumping off the building now, is my fear of heights and that bit of self-love.

Why the fuck do I even bother. You don't care if I'm home, you don't bother if I'm hungry. You don't bother if I need anything. I already have one parent less to love me. Why can't you care more than to hurt me again and again. SO hard I try. I keep quiet, I pretend it doesn't bother me. I try so hard. You can write off everything I have done, tried to do. It won't matter to me, because I know, the only one alive in this whole fucking world that would love me at all is myself. You don't have to remind me. One day. All of this will be over. I don't have put up with this mental or physical abuse any more. I won't let myself. I love myself enough to not do that.

There is no longer any reason for me to cry over this shit. You wouldn't do it for. Why should I? I am going to wipe my tears and move on. Who am I to bother about you anymore since you don't bother either.